Saturday, September 6, 2014
I woke up this morning with a very distinct sense and feeling which has made me think. It's like I have been stopped in my tracks and been confronted with the past. A past that I walked away from a couple of years ago for my own health. I don't talk about God and my Christianity in my blog that much I don't think yet I have a personal faith also relationship with God. God has protected me all my life and throughout all my years even though I've been stubborn as well. I've given my parents, family, friends and my Guardian Angel many nearly heart attacks. If it wasn't for God I wouldn't be here today..... I would have been dead at least 10 times over. Also how with My Asperger's I've put myself in very potentially dangerous situations without realizing or understanding it at all. I may be intelligent yet when it comes to people reading skills I am not good at all. This is one of the times I find having Asperger's annoying...
When I saw my Mum yesterday on our girls day or afternoon out we spoke about many different things. I was also telling her how Debbie my partner had only just finished reading my book a day or two before. Deb liked my book and found it very moving indeed. We were reflecting on past times in my life and our families life as well as the writing of my book. Even with me writing my book there were a few things that my Mum didn't find out about me until she read it. I was also telling her how great Deb is for me and how much she means to me. It's such a blessing that Deb and I share a Christian faith and it means so much to me. Talking with my Mum it brought back home the fact how far I've actually come along with God's help even with all the silly mistakes I've done in the past because of whatever reasons.
Last night when Deb and I got home from work I took her to a place to eat where there are memories for me. We also caught up with someone I hadn't seen in many months which was interesting. I thought I'd be alright yet a couple of things were coming up for me which I found hard. There were also a couple of other people that we bumped into as well which I hadn't seen in a very long time. Talking to them I was getting lightbulb moments where I was re- realizing and remembering different things. It is really hard for me to put it into words and to express it yet the best way to describe it is.... There are some things that aren't really for me and I've tried to fit in yet it has never worked. I've bowed down to peer type of pressure things instead of standing up for myself. Last night I found I had a new type of different type of strength on some things and it was like I was seeing them in my eyes which weren't blinded anymore. Yes sure I have my weakness's like everyone else and in no way am I perfect. It was like I was kind of revisiting my past and seeing how far I've come along. I'm so grateful to God for all the work and care he's put into me and has always been there for me no matter what came along. This may not make much sense to you my readers yet it makes big sense to me very big time.
I saying to Mum yesterday and Deb last night... "There is no way I can change the past... Yet I can change the present and future because I have learnt"
That about sums it up for me... So here's a bit of food for thought for you all.... May God be with you...