Monday, December 13, 2010

Remembering My Grandma

Imagine a bright hot sunny day on Saturday the 13th of December 2003 where the season of summer had started in Australia. I was showing Peter around who was a friend of mine from Switzerland and we were just walking back from a local beach. On my mobile I got a phonecall from my Mum wondering where I was as she was out and about also with a friend. We organised that she come drop in at my place for a visit which seemed fine.

So half an hour to an hour later Mum and Kathy stopped by. It was then that I was informed that my beloved Grandma had died shortly before quietly. Mixed feelings of shock and disbelief rocked my body to a different place. Poor Peter my visitor must have thought he had walked into a family drama of sorts. Yet my Mum said that she wanted to see her body with my Dad and somehow I was to come also. My memory was a blur from then on and we ended up at the nursing home where she was. Walking into the room where she was laying and finally seeing her was really surreal because it brought home the fact that she had gone. My precious Grandma had gone to a better place after so long. I was the only Grandchild to turn up and I think my Uncle as well as Aunt was there also. Holding her now cool skinny bone-like hand was important for me having Asperger's. Seeing her I felt that I could let go better and say "Goodbye" to here in my own way. I also saw my Grandpa a few years earlier when he died and that was really comforting. Yet his body was still warmish at the time I had arrived more quickly at his side then.

Any way the funeral was quickly sorted out with the tumultuous time before Christmas being only less than 12 days away. Plans were disrupted for the whole family with the matriarch holding us all together had gone. I'd even had already bought her a Christmas present of a calendar for her that I realised she couldn't use anymore...or I give her The day of the funeral was a really hot day where everyone gathered at the cemetery up in Cooranbong in the little chapel up there on the grounds of Avondale College. The ceremony was held to remember her where I think I read out a poem or something I wrote for her. If my memory serves me correctly she was led out to the grave with a lone Scottish bagpiper playing. Her proud Scottish heart would have been pounding if she were alive...yet she wasn't.

Now seven years on I still miss her and think of her quite a bit. I've got a couple of photo's of her around the place and still look at them. A month or so ago I also saw her grave for the first time since that time and seeing the gravestone meant a lot to me. After so long I could see her resting place again and remember what a wonderful Christian woman she was. The same blood that beated in her is running through my veins today living on in her memory... Oh Grandma how I still love and miss you...May God be with you...

Thursday, November 25, 2010

One Year Anniversary With My Love!

Last Sunday 21st November 2010 was the one year anniversary of my love and I. This day was a very long time coming and it was hugely momentous for both of us. There actually is a bit of a story behind to why it seemed to take so long to get to....So here it is...

Both of us met a number of years ago through mutual interests that we were into. The first time we went on a date and started going out was in November 2006 which is four years ago. Since that time my honey was dealing with a few different things and broke it off with me. So we were on and off for quite a while because of this. To cut a long story short the ground-breaking break-through day was last November where we went down to the Nan Tien Temple near Wollongong to have a look. We'd both been wanting to go there for a long time so a day trip was decided where the actual day was so hot and steamy. I was meaning that temperature hot and then my love realised that life was better with me being around.

From that they on it was amazing because there was no surprise break~ups from my love after 3 to 5 months. We had both come a long way in a lot of different areas and really did appreciate one another like nothing else. My love for my honey had never changed over the years and it has been like a dream come true. I love sharing my life in every single way and every single day. Even the smallest of moments to the big huge ones of this year. Words cannot adequately describe all my thoughts and feelings. Yet I know for the first time since I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome that this is the first adult and mature relationship that I've ever been in. What means a lot to me is the person who I am with loves and accepts me for me no matter what. Also is totally on my side only wanting the best for me. That is also the same for my beloved honey as well.

On Sunday we were both tired and slept in for a bit which was nice. We went to a resturant near Parramatta River only to discover that we were too late for lunch yet could have lunch. We ended up having lunch then had a walk by the river for a little bit. It was quite a hot day and to get indoors was so nice and cooling. My love was knackered and needed some time alone to rest so I had to leave. Yet the time that we did spend together meant so much to me and hopefully next year we can spend the whole day together. So a very happy anniversary to both of us...A huge big YAY also!!!!!!!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Predators And Sharks!!

"Look there's a shark in the water!!" Someone yells loudly to the surf patrol.
On the beach all the alarms and systems in place goes into overdrive to care for the safety of all the beach goers. Everyone's out of the water quick smart and they all know what the predator is. They know what it looks like and how it behaves as well as it's nature.

Yet in real life no one can tell in humans which one is a predator because they don't look like sharks. You don't know what they look like or when they will come next in your life. For me having Asperger's I am blind to what people are really like and what they are really wanting. They can take advantage of my confused and vulnerable side using me when I don't even realise it. I may think that they are very nice to me yet behind my back who knows what they could be saying or doing? Who knows what they are really thinking of feeling about me?

Over the past week a few things have happened that have really scared me, whacked me for a six and brought a a few past issues for me. I feel like that I have taken a hundred steps back and let myself big time with my stupidity and not listening to my gut feelings. I listened to another person instead who isn't a good influence for me and is trouble with a capital "T". In the past she has been very troublesome for me in many different ways which has really confused and hurt me. Because of my Christian upbringing I've been taught to forgive people and give them another chance. I've been taught to try to see the good side in people and to be there for my friends and family. Like if someone needs to talk or need help in some way...then help them. Not to abandon them because I know what it feels like when people have abandoned and hurt me in the past when I've really needed them.

Yet what really gets me is that some or most people aren't like me and do not have pure and honorable intentions. Also that most often people in the bar, pub, RSL, club and drinking scene they are totally different from me. When they see me I stick out like a sore thumb...a target on my back and very easy prey for them. I've known and met many people like that because of certain reasons and in the past have stopped seeing most of them. Yet there have been a few who manage to weedle or sneak there way back in or that I've gone back and seen again even when I decided not to. It's really strange because with a lot of people I've broken off contact with people yet for some unknown reason they've contacted me and they say things and I think they have changed...Yet each time I see them it just sets me back ten thousand fold and I feel so stupid afterwards. The other day I had a huge wake-up call and it's been like a lightening bolt hit through my body. I've been feeling sick, sad and disgusted at myself because of how blind I can be even after many years. I have decided that with a few people that I can no longer have anything to do with them because it is to dangerous and detrimental for my health and safety. It not only affects me.... yet my partner and my family as well. I do not want to put them at risk or have things affect them also.

It is going to take me quite a while to heal, process and get over a lot of different issues. It's the same with the ones I care for because all this has worried them also which has been hard and annoying for them. At the moment I have to take baby steps for myself because emotionally and in a lot of ways it feels that I have fallen of from a huge height to the ground and waking up to myself up. Today with this blog update I've decided to talk about something serious for me dealing with my life with Aspergers. I would also love to hear your feedback on this also. so please feel free to leave a comment. Thankyou!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Old Family Friends From Overseas ~ Minnesota

This last weekend has been so busy in so many different ways for my whole family. Long awaited old family friends from Minnesota, America arrived in Sydney very early on Saturday morning where my parents picked them up from the airport. For me on Friday I left my friends house after two days of staying with her which was great. Stayed at my place Friday night then went back the next day where I stayed Saturday night with her. Also did a few quiet things on Sunday like go for a nature walk amongst the spring flowers of the neighbour-hood and watching the very old musical movie called "Singin' In the Rain". We were both mesmerised by the brilliance of that movie with all the dancing and singing.

Meanwhile my parents were catching up with "Uncle" Lowell and "Auntie" Kathy over on the Northern parts of Sydney taking them to beautiful places. The only chance to see them was if I went over for dinner on Sunday night and saw them both for a few hours before my parents were to whisk them away on a day-trip to the Blue Mountains on the Monday. So it was decided dinner was the way to go and I trekked over to see them. When I arrived I gave them a great big hug "Hello! Welcome to Australia again!" greeting yet I didn't forget to say "Hi" to my parents... because I was seeing them also. Dinner was beautiful with my Mum trying out an experimental dessert on us all that had pastry, figs, almonds amongst a whole host of other tasty elements which we all loved.

On a more deeper note I was getting memories from my childhood, teenage years and also the last time they visited Australia quite a few years ago. When they saw me last time I don't think I had started writing my book "My Life With Asperger's". Yet at that time I knew that I definitely had a worthwhile book in me that I wanted to get out there. These lovely close family friends have known me since I was a little tot of about only six years old and have seen me growing also changing over the years. Uncle Lowell said that when we visited them in America he remembered "My black clothes" period where all I wanted to wear was black. I also mentioned them in my book also. For those of you that have read my book you can guess which part it was okay.

After dinner I got to it down and speak with Auntie Kathy for quite a fair time which was special. She had read my book and loved it which meant a lot to me. Her job back home is a part-time teacher and she helps teach different things. She was telling me that with one of her students the book has helped him along with a few other people as well which also had copies. With this particular teenage student he got inspired because I had actually achieved something with writing the book. When I heard that I felt really moved because my story was actually impacting people way over in America.... a country half way around the world for me.

Anyway I left really late that night to drive home yet were hoping to see them off at the airport as they were leaving for Western Australia today on Tuesday. Yet I couldn't really find the time because I had other appointments that I had to make. One of them was another walk down memory lane which I've been greatly looking forward to... Today I caught up with one of my old high school teachers yet more of that in my next blog entry......

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Part Two~ "Girls and Women with Asperger's Syndrome" -A One-day Workshop

I can't believe that's it's a week ago since the talk.
After settling into my hotel and having a bit of a look around I decided to go up to my room and watch the last of "Deal Or No Deal" and also the news on Channel 7. I ended up having a snooze and at about 7:30pm went down to try to have some dinner.and that's when my friend rang me.
Yet when I was down there I ran into Carol, Max, Tony and Camilla having dinner and I joined them. It was good that all of us caught up with each-other before the day. The music was getting a lot louder downstairs so we all left one by one to prepare for the next day.

When I was up in my room I got ready for bed re-read through my notes and watched a bit more TV nearly falling asleep. Turning the TV off was a problem because the remote control wasn't working for some reason and I nearly rang room service. Finally I did turn it off then went to bed. I had the best sleep I could and awoke with my alarm and got ready as well as beginning to pack my bag. I went downstairs for breakfast and also got phone-calls from my my and my friend Caz. At about 8:30am I met Carol, her son and daughter downstairs who were helping me carry some items from the car. Walking over there i couldn't quite believe what was happening and that I was actually there after many months of planning and preparation.

It was like I was in a surreal dream watching what was going on around me. Sure I did have nerves yet I was quite excited at the same time to see what everything looked like. When I walked into the room I was a bit taken aback to see how big it actually was...Also seeing how many people were actually there at this time milling around doing their own thing. I saw Tony Attwood in the distance and then he started to walk towards of all people. We exchanged our "Good mornings" and had a bit of a chat. He also said that he had to walk around the room a bit because of his nerves or something. When I heard that I felt a whole lot more comfortable that even he gets a bit nervous before the talks. I managed to get a cup of tea yet my hands were shaking quite a bit and I had my tea really quickly because I wasn't sure whether you were allowed to drink in the room.

Anyway a lot of thoughts were going through my mind and Carol came up to me and led me to my chair which was right down the front sitting next to Camilla. Walking down the front I felt really self conscious yet proud at the same time. Dr Tony Attwood started talking where I found myself taking a few notes also myself and absolutely fascinated by what he was saying. I was distracted a bit though because I was trying to keep an eye out for when my parents and Caz were coming. Soon it was morning tea where Carol was going to take us to a room for a cuppa. I saw my parents up the back and told Carol I was going to get my parents....then I saw Caz also. I gave my parents a big hug and also Caz. After a couple of minutes we managed to find Carol again then had morning tea.

Well soon Tony started talking again then Camilla had her talk which was fascinating. Hearing her speak was so amazing and to see her computer presentation was good also. She was totally inspiring and had a lot of energy up there on stage. I was really impressed with what she had to say. I also was moved by her because she spoke with such passion....Well done Camilla!!

Lunch came then I had to have lunch in the room quickly before I started selling and signing my books. I was talking to Caz trying to get my mind prepared for the signings and also my parents a bit as well. Mum and I quickly had something to eat then went to the table where all the action was happening with my book. I met a few people who had already bought my book and liked it as well as someone I knew on Facebook also. It was so great people were coming up and talking to me sharing all their different experiences with me. I could have kept going if it wasn't for Tony talking again soon. So I quickly got myself ready for my talk coming up in the next section. It felt so good to have Caz and my parents sitting down the front with me.

Countdown was progressing really fast and I had no idea when Tony was going to call me up. I managed to find where my place would be on the notes just a couple of minutes before calling me up. Next thing I knew I was up there fumbling with trying to put on the lapel microphone on yet luckily Tony helped me. Everything was a bit of a blur after that where I spoke for about 25 minutes in front of about 221 people all up. I felt very passionate to share my story and let them know that there is also hope as well. At the end they gave me a big clap which meant so much...
I walked back to my chair really happy that people understood and listened.

Afternoon tea came a bit late then I was signing books then and I felt so privileged just being there amongst all these amazing people. The last part of the afternoon came with more of Tony and then question time for all of us. That was really interesting with the questions also. Next thing we knew we were all got presents from the ASPIA team. I also have to say a big thank-you to Carol Grigg and all her team for everything that she had done that day to make it really memorable for everyone!!

After the conference had finished for the day I found myself following Caz in the rain with my car to her house. The next few days was a total break from Internet, technology, computers, camera's, mobile phones etc.... It was just a completely back down to basics of resting, going for a couple of nature walks and extremely good company as well as very nice food. I ended up getting home on late Tuesday afternoon after a very quiet few days. So that explains why I haven't done anything on my blog or Facebook for a while.

Oooh.....I nearly forgot...Here's some links to ASPIA who ran the day:

Also to Camilla Connolly:

As well as Tony Attwood:

So please feel free to have a look at those links....

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Part One~ "Girls and Women with Asperger's Syndrome" -A One-day Workshop

On this last weekend which was Saturday 2nd of October 2010 the most important day so far of my life had been slowly coming up after being planned for many months. It fell on the long weekend where there was an AFL Grand Final was on, Daylight saving coming in, the rugby league grand final, also the Commonwealth Games were starting, etc.... The much awaited event was "Girls and Women with Asperger's Syndrome" -A One-day Workshop where Professor or Doctor Tony Attwood, Camilla Connolly and I ~ Megan Hammond were all speaking that day. The talk was held at The Fitzroy Room at Campbelltown Catholic Club.

Before that time I had no idea that there was a Catholic Club in Campbelltown or what it looked like. Also I had no idea of where the hotel was I was staying at the night before or even how to get there properly by car by myself. It felt like it was on the other side of the country or earth nearly. Finding the hotel within itself was a huge task which I hoped I could overcome otherwise I'd be driving around all night still. I also had no-one coming with me because they had to pull out for a couple of reasons which couldn't be helped.

So on the Thursday night it felt like that it was going to be a lifetime before I could get everything organised by Saturday. Waking up Friday morning was all systems go to drive all the way across nearly all the city to get to the hotel. As I was getting ready and packing I was got a phone call from the publishers informing me of a few things which was interesting. Also that there were a few other little bits and bobs popping up also which I couldn't help. I finally packed my car and left to go on a mystery drive to my final destination. Dropping into the publishers I picked up a few things which I needed yet I had no idea what lay before me.

I thought that I was making great time until I drove through the other side of the tunnel and discovered A TRAFFIC JAM!! At about 2pm in the afternoon of all things. For the next hour or hour and a half to Campbelltown it hardly improved which was not good. It was a real test of patience for me looking at all the cars in front of me. I had my music turned up and was trying to distract myself from everything including my gurgling stomach. The Google directions were my guide and reading source through the journey trying to see if I was still on the right track. Yet as I turned off at the exit for me I realized that I should've opened my street directory to see a map also to pin point it. So I had no real idea where I was going yet I was following a road and managed to see the hotel sign. Then I turned as quickly as I could, found a parking spot, got my bags and walked in to check into the hotel. Once I was in the hotel I discovered that there were movies you could watch.....BUT you had to pay for them which I decided to go without instead. This is where I proceeded on the next part of my adventure which is to be continued very soon...................

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

My Birthday A Week Ago Today!!

This time a week ago on Wednesday the 8th of September it was my Birthday! At around this time I was relaxing after such a big day watching a bit of television with the programme "RPA". Yet with that I was so glad that I had something to eat before that.
With the morning of my birthday I didn't have much of a sleep~in because my honey called me to sing me "Happy Birthday!". I went up to beaches and caught up with a friend of mine who gave me a really nice card and also a really colourful mat. Then after we went to a really healthy cafe where I decided to have a chai tea latte and a rhubarb/pear crumble with some really fresh yoghurt. She had a bacon/eggs and bread which was all organic. When the chai latte came out it was in a small bowl which totally amazed me! My face said it all.....totally surprised!!
After lunch we went to Warriewood Cinema's and saw the movie "Salt" with Angelina Jolie in it. The movie was totally action packed and kept you guessing. Caz thought it was a bit far fetched yet I didn't mind because it got me thinking. Some parts of it were a bit jumpy yet at least I didn't cry in it...which was good.
After the movie we decided to have a bit of a quiet time because Caz wasn't feeling so good. I was hoping that she'd be well enough to come out for dinner with my parents for dinner. When the time came for dinner I went by myself to the Chinese restaurant to meet my parents. For dinner we had everything pancakes and a couple of other dishes. Both my Dad and I had desert which was lychee's and ice-cream. I also gave my Mum a little present to her which I've been wanting to give to her. She saw it and loved it which was great and meant so much to me which was good to see.
I fare~welled my parents and went back to where I was staying. I quickly checked my emails and also my Facebook. I was amazed to find so many posts for me on my profile. All of them nearly brought me to tears with who remembered my birthday. Sure I didn't see or hear from my brother (I didn't hear from him until late Monday night.) That day I still found it an amazing and also very special day sharing it with people I cared most about. Because for me each birthday is a blessed day for me and an extra day at life and living in it...
So...A big Happy Birthday to me!!! Yay!!!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Celebration Of Caroline "Caz's" Birthday!

Happy Birthday Caroline!!!
"Happy birthday to you!...Happy birthday to you...Happy birthday dear Caz....etc......." (rest of the song).... My voice sang down to Caz who was on the other end of the phone to an amused smile more than likely on her face. A couple of day's ago on Monday the 30th August 2010 was Caz's or Caroline's birthday. She is my very best and most special friend that I have. She really does accept me for me and understands me and I do the same for her. For me having Asperger's I've found it hard to have friends relate to me and be there for me. With Caz we have a very important, special and unique connection which means so much to us both.

It is because of this connection that I decided to take her out for lunch on her birthday which was on Monday over where she lives. I managed to arrive on time with her presents under my arm and a smile on my face which she appreciated. The Birthday Girl chose where she wanted to have lunch and we went to a restaurant near the Parramatta river cat ferry terminal. We decided to sit outside and enjoy the day. The day was a warm day which felt like spring was on the way although it had a bit of wind to it.

After looking at the menu for a while we both ordered our food eagerly looking forward to seeing what it was like. The place we were at was called "Port" which was appropriate because it was near the ferry. A few times the sun went away yet it was so nice just to sit outside. I ordered a red wine and an appetiser of grilled baby octopus which came out first. And Caz didn't have a starter which was a prawn dish with seasonal vegetables. While I decided to just have a salad which was Roma tomato's, basil and boccocini which was beautiful. It felt like a feast and that I was spoiling Caz which she deserves.

Surprisingly after that food I still had room for more yet didn't want to push it. We looked at the dessert menu and saw so many nice foods yet we both decided only to have a chai tea latte to top it off. It was so great just to share some of her birthday with her. For that evening Caz was going over have dinner with her daughter and her own parents. So she had a pretty full day as well. I also let he know how much I appreciate her for who she is and how much she means to me. Having someone like Caz means so much to me because she accepts me unconditionally. I feel totally honoured to be her friend and I have learnt so much from her as a person. So my dear friend I wish you a Happy Birthday again!!!! Sending heaps of hugs to you.......

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Australia Votes Today!!!!

Australia votes today!! Read All about it!!! Australia votes today!! Read all about it!! Who will win?! Who will win? Read all about it!!!!!!

After five weeks of feverish activity on both side of the two main parties Labour and Liberal who will win? Julia Gillard or 'Mr Rabbit' / Tony Abbott or someone mysterious other figure will win? Phrases and words like 'Pressing the flesh', 'Kissing babies', polls, electorates, promises, fake smiles, empty promises, Mr Rabbit, Redheads, budgie smuggler's, woman/female prime ministers, etc...

I have already voted at about 9:40 am this morning after waiting in line for about 15 minutes at the local public school. The school happens to be in the home electorate of Mr Tony Abbott/Rabbit the bustling budgie smuggler fitness fanatic....wannabe prime minister. Was said or seen to bee down at Manly beach this morning catching up with one of his daughters who he hadn't seen for the whole of the election campaign. She was in Indonesia for that time doing whatever she was doing over there. Good ol' Tony the man was at the local rugby oval yesterday rubbing shoulders with the press and doing Manly things.....Yes a little play on words i do admit yet isn't the time when all the wordsmiths have been hard at work following the trails or trials of the candidate's... Later that night having a light shandy beer at some establishment in Sydney.

Ms Julia Gillard, Atheist and first woman prime minister out in the western suburbs at a club having a schooner of the dark brew beer no less.....enough to put hairs on your chest even if your not a man. The 'liquid bread' meal good for the voters there. There was talk on the net with what Gillard would look like wearing a bikini compared to Abbott. Some of the comments were interesting to say the least....yet I will not repeat them. Who during an interview a few days ago said "Excuse me while I have a Slurp of my tea..."

So the two main people stand before the public today as we have our national right to vote. So now we seem to know just about everything about these people who have been networking their ways over this great country of ours criss-crossing all boundaries and states. Shall we go through the ultra Catholic Shandy swilling Tony 'Mr Rabbit' Abbott or the dark brew beer drinking woman prime minister Julia Gillard. There is so much more that I can say yet I choose not to yet it is said to be a very close and high tech election where history will be made whatever way the blade falls.

Myself personally I've been thinking instead of the Australian Sex Party...that I start one supporting the underdogs......the forgotten people which need to be remembered and a helping hand up to achieve their goals in life. Today as I voted I had a heavy heart because Australia seems to be dealing with some major issues with no easy answers in the soon to be future. I had to remind myself that I am lucky in Australia because I am able to have a free vote for who I want. That compared to other countries Australia is the lucky country where people are that desperate to come that they come in boats to our rugged shores. For me and having Asperger's election time is always puzzling for me as the signals to really read what people are saying is a thousand more times harder to read than in everyday life. My mind is overloaded by all this information which is cryptic with all the riddles of what is really being said....What is really going to be done etc.... My fellow fellow voter (For those in the world old enough to vote) fellow human being (for those outside of Australia) the votes are cast today I hope the right people will get in who will do the best job for this country. Foreseeable it is not yet but whatever tomorrow holds....we have to remember that we did the right thing within our hearts. I pray that whoever gets in that they will realize that "All power is a trust!"

Monday, August 16, 2010

Richmond Talk~Monday 9th August 2010

A couple of months ago I was invited by Chantelle Jary who's a Facebook friend of mine to talk to her group about my book. I'd seen her group and thought it was a great Aussie group supporting people which is great. So for the past couple of months I had been getting ready to go visit. Yet at the same time I felt rather nervous as well. But honestly I think most people get nervous talking in front of people.

So last Monday night I went to The Richmond Club to give a talk for some people. The group that I talked to was called The Autism and Aspergers Support Group with a membership of about 200 people in total. Throughout the year they have meetings and also different activities.

Upon arriving at the club my friend and I were warmly welcomed where we had something to eat and drink. We met a few people as well and I was told that there was a girl all the way over from
Finland "who was very keen to meet me". I was told that she was sitting in the meeting room waiting for it to start because she was so early. I couldn't stand the thought of her sitting there all by herself so I welcomed her for to join us. She was also a bit quiet yet warmed up with the talking. Over dinner it was interesting hearing her experiences and what it was like for her because she also was diagnosed at age 26. She also gave me a soft toy Reindeer which was so cute. I was speechless and blown away also was not expecting anything like this at all. I thanked her very much.

So at about 7:30pm the talk started where I was called up out the front. I introduced myself and started talking about my life also book. The time seemed to fly when I was up there yet in some ways it felt slow as well. It felt totally surreal that I was reading parts of my books to the audience...something that I had been working on for so long writing it. At the end there were quite a few questions about the book and my life. I was treated to a round of applause and felt really moved from it.

After that I signed books for everybody and was greatly humbled by everybody that I had met as well as giving a couple of people much needed hugs. I thought I was talking to around 50 to 55 people that night yet the figures I got a few days later were really interesting.... I spoke to 80 people and also sold quite a few copies of the book. When I was told 80 people it was an amazing feeling that my story really was worthwhile and gave hope to people.

That night both my friend and I came away feeling moved. In my heart of hearts I was so humbled by the response that I got from all these beautiful people of the group. I felt so honored and privileged that I could come visit. I thank you Chantelle Jary and The Autism and Aspergers Support Group for all your support!

Also for more information on the group here it is:

Sunday, August 1, 2010


Over the past couple of weeks I've been in a really reflective mood about my life. I've been thinking deeply about a few subjects. I've been remembering my past and where I've come from.

How far I have actually come in life. My present and everything that has happened in the last six months or so with my book being published as well as released for everyone to read. Also my future which I suppose no-one in their lives know what their lives hold.

The journey since my book has been released in February this year has been a colorful eye-opener bringing me to new experiences that I never would have thought I would be doing. It has been really surreal, new and very different!

I've been seeing things in a very different light and comparing how I've discovered new sides to me. Yet at the same times I still have some same old sides which can still give me the occaisonal surprise when I least expect it. It's been a time of transition and change that is hard for me having Asperger's where I prefer safe, secure routines and places.

Yet I still have to remind myself that I have actually achieved and am doing a lot of different things. Yes sure I still feel fear...yet doesn't every one?! The thing I'm understanding is that fear is a normal part of life yet it is how you deal with it that counts. Even with fear the main element is to be courageous and keep on going no matter what.

Here's a little food for thought for you. Farewell for now...

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The Good Food And Wine Show 2010

On Sunday my Mum and I had a girls day out to The Good Food & Wine Show which was being held at Darling Harbour. There were five big halls of food and wine heaven where there seemed to be anything and every thing which people could try. There was Quail, Biltong, Pomegranate liqueur, fish, cheese, deserts, duck amongst a whole lot of other morsels.

There were a vast number of different chefs, cooks, demonstrators and also food companies at the show each promoting all interesting products. One of the chef's there was Gabriel Gate' an amazing French chef who lives in Australia. (Please note: I can't find the proper 'E' with the " ' " over the top of it for his name on the keyboard here.) I wanted to get a picture of him yet he suggested a picture of the both of us which was nice. My Mum has liked him for many years so I also took a picture of the both of them.

Australian food personality Lyndey Milan was there promoting a regional food producer's market and also some new knives which were there. With the regional food market side of it was important because it was giving local Australian products a chance to promote their produce.

Seeing it was the last few hours the different stalls were giving away bargains on certain items so for smart person they were getting them. Also there were a few freebies which were being given away from item which were being sold. Mum and I were having a ball of a time having a look through the show while I was finding many things to taste. We got to the wine-tasting end and decided to have a seat for a bit of a break. Next thing we heard was an announcement over the loud speaker saying that in ten minutes time at 5pm the show was going to close. Mum looked up at me in surprise because we both thought it ended at 6pm. Yet we didn't have an hour of wandering yet just rushing back through the halls seeing things that we missed.

On the way back we grabbed a few bargains which were great yet missed a few that couldn't be helped. It looked like other people had a good day because it seemed like everyone were carrying lots of bags also. Some under there arm, some in trolley bags, others dragging them on the ground and still others reminding me of camels. Were we all like ants bustling off to our car parks wherever they were. Then heading back our homes with our food parcels and trophies that we had gotten. When my Mum dropped me home I felt so tired that I lay on my bed to watch some TV.... watching a programme... then waking up to discover I'd fallen asleep after such a big day. Yet next year I'm sure it will all happen again when you can have breakfast, lunch and dinner in whatever order you want all in a few hours or minutes of one another!!!
Farewell for now!!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

One Proud Dad

Hello there everyone! I thought I'd share with you a picture if my very proud Dad with my book.
It was taken at Sydney International Airport's new terminal or new part which was opened not long ago.

So those of you who are travelling overseas can pick up my book from the international airport no less. You can use it as reading material for your flight. Or better still you can buy it as an Aussie present for your friends overseas.

That way you can say that you are well read and my book is well travelled spreading awareness over the miles and kilometres. Also that my book has been overseas more recently than I

Yet I do hope to travel overseas and talk about my book. Also to help people understand what it is like to live as an adult with Asperger's and succeed in life. I want to give inspiration to others like me who have Asperger's also. I've been given and found my voice and thus would like others to find their voices also.

Together we can succeed and get our stories out there to be noticed and shared! Through being noticed we can gain better knowledge and understanding by those people around us. We can educate these people and also make a difference in their lives also. That way Asperger's doesn't have to be a mystery to people yet they know we are all unique individuals who can make a difference on society.

There you have some food for thought...We can all make a difference!!!

Friday, July 2, 2010

My Mum's Birthday Today!!

Today Friday the 2nd of July 2010 is my dear Mothers Birthday!! I rang her this morning and wished her Happy giving her the singing rendition of the song. Also I sang her "For she's a jolly good fell..person/woman....."
Yet I made sure I didn't call her fellow and also did the "Hip, Hip, Hoorays!" as well. She was really happy with that and glad to hear from me. We spoke for a while and we will be definitely catch up tomorrow which will be great.
Today I also announced her birthday on Facebook and also wrote on her profile. She also got a few "Happy Birthday's" from a few of my Facebook friends which was great. I being the proud daughter that I am passed on the messages or wishes to her.

When I was a really young and rebellious teenager I didn't realize or even understand what I was putting my parents through ~ Especially my dear old Mum. To be more correct she wasn't old at the time yet I'm sure I have given both my parents quite a few grey hairs in their time as well as my guardian angel. Yes the tall, big, long-suffering one with his fingernails chewed down and his hair or messed up. Also you can recognize him by all his worry lines and a great big look of relief to see me doing well.
What I now understand is how much my Mum loves me and what i must have put her through. It wasn't until I've had some really tough times that my Mum and Dad stood by me and stuck through all the storms that came along. Some of them I thought I'd never get through.
Without my parents I literally wouldn't be here today without them. I don't know where I would be or even exist if they had not of met. But I think that could be another whole blog entry. As i was looking through photo's for the past couple of hours tonight I was thinking of all the times that we've shared as a family. Also how much they mean to me ~really mean to me. I was trying to find photo's which were nice yet also captured the moment. I indeed find many and was overwhelmed with options. I particularly wanted to find a nice picture of my Mum and I together. One thing good on having Asperger's is that you can stay focused for a long time not giving up easily. So i did choose these two photo's which are on the blog now.
So my dear Mum ~ I wish you the most Happy Birthday with all the love from my heart to yours....You will always be special....I am so lucky to have you for my Mum..... XXXX

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Soccer Madness Still....

The word cup is still on and Australia has been knocked out of the game. Also there are other sad losses for other countries who have been snuffed out also. So in the next couple of weeks the matches are becoming more important as to who will win the much sought after World Cup.

We've seen great nations rise to occaison while others have fought valiantly to the end seconds of the game. All the games have been individual in their own right and some have torn at the fans heartstrings like England goal which was deemed a non goal. Also other decisions which the umpires of the games have made in other circumstances.

Yet I'm sure that there are families, friends, workmates, partners that have still lost people to watching the games at all hours of the night and also day in some cases. Even I was really wrapped up in the games that Australia was playing. I found myself being awake at odd hours watching the games alone with a heater on in a really cold room. Secretly wishing I was snuggled up in bed keeping warm. Yet these damn games were getting my patriotic blood going. Go the Socceroo's!! May they win!!

I didn't see all of the last game that Australia played because i was asleep in bed. Yet i did watch the last 20 mins of the game which was lucky I thought. I was staying over somewhere and we awoke at 6am. Anyhow I thought Australia did really well and still managed to beat Serbia I think? ...Although Serbia did rally and score a goal or two. As soon as the game finished I turned the TV off even without hearing the commentator's speak. I went straight back to bed because I had to be fair on where I was staying.

So all that day until the news that night I thought Australia had won and was still in with a chance for the cup. It wasn't until we were watching the news that night I realized because of the confusing ways of counting up the points and so forth that Australia had actually lost at their chance for the cup. Even though they won by a point or two on the field that it wasn't enough to keep them in the game.

Anyway I still am interested in who is going to win the World Cup and I'm a bit sure that I might stay up and see one or two of the games. Because I still like soccer and the matches only happen every four years like the Olympics. So you might get another posting on who actually wins the Worlds Cup... You have to wait and see..... Farewell for now..

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Five Reason's Why I Don't Like Asperger's

Hello there people! The other day I wrote what were five reason why I liked having Asperger's. Now it has come to the time to describe the reasons why I don't like it. Yet i figure in life there are things there is good and bad. It matters how we deal with the challenges that arise to meet us...It makes us who we are as people.
Here's the list:

Five Reason's Why I Don't Like Asperger's
  1. Because of having Asperger's some people May think that your really not that bright or intelligent.
  2. People because if they think that way can try to take advantage of you in many different ways.
  3. It is hard to get services that is just right for adults with Asperger's Syndrome. Sure there is plenty of services for kids which is so great to see. Yet hopefully as more adults come through then it will be easier. So there still is hope.
  4. When some people hear the words 'Autistic Spectrum' their eyes just glaze over a bit and have trouble working out where you are on it. I've had one lady ask at a talk say "How is your reading Love? Are you good at it?" To which my reply was something like "Yes It is good... That's why I decided to write a book"....or something like that.
  5. Sometimes it takes me so much longer than 'normal' people to work out what people are really saying or doing. I find it hard whether they are really for or against me and their real intentions are.
So there you have it. Five reason why I don't like Asperger's at all. Yet I suppose that you have to take the bad with the good. What ever the fact is that I am just me like everybody else and trying to live life the best I can! Remember I am no different than anybody else...Who knows one day you might meet somebody like me.....
Goodnight for now dear readers... Have a restful night..

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Soccer Madness Hits The World!

Beware everyone! Soccer madness has hit the world...Why you may ask? If you have heard The 2010 FIFA World Cup is on in South Africa for the next few weeks....
So I think there will be many thousands if not millions of people glued to television screens at random odd hours around the world. Supporting and cheering for there countries team, gathering in places where large TV screens are, some I've heard going to movie cinema's to see matches, driving around in cars with their flag proudly... As well as many other patriotic gestures.

Already today when I was driving around the streets of Sydney to meet a friend for a movie I saw socceroo flags, an England flag as well as a couple of others. It's been all over the news and there has been soccer and South African themed programmes for the past couple of weeks in Australia. It's past midnight here and I can hear the neighbours upstairs watching the same match I'm watching. I've just heard a whooppp and a cheer when one of them came close to scoring... The teams playing are Argentina and Nigeria.

For those wanting to see a live 3-d game at the's the link...

Doh!! I've been tring to put another picture on yet the uploader thing doesn't seem to be working at the moment. So tonight you won't have another picture up for you.
So what do you all think of the world cup? I'd like to hear from you and hear your thoughts...
Are you a soccer widow? Or have a son, brother, sister, mother, father or any other family member exposed to what is now commonly called 'football fever'? In the next few blogs I will reveal more of this mysterious yet fascinating issue as I study it more...
Goodnight...or goodmorning to all you reader's! Yet be aware for soccer balls at the moment...

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Five Reason's Why I Like Asperger's

Hello there! I've been thinking lately what I do like about having Asperger's and what I don't like about having Aspergers Syndrome. It's something that I've thought about yet haven't put words to I don't think before.

Sure in my book I've basically said different things and how it has affected me through my life. Also how I've developed a few strategies to deal with the challenges that I've had to deal with. So today I'll share with you five reasons why I like having Asperger's . Here's the list:

Five Reasons Why I Like Asperger's

  1. I see life from a different perspective
  2. I tend to learn something different or new everyday.
  3. I find it a strength when dealing with certain issues.
  4. The diagnosis explains to me why I behave the way I do.
  5. I have found my voice through it to help spread more awareness about it.
I remember when I was first diagnosed at the age of 26 years old I found it hard to find positives about Asperger's. Also to move on as a person through the diagnosis and integrate it into everyday life. This may sound odd yet true because I had to come to terms with something which had remained a mystery for all my life. It was something which had caused me major pain and discomfort because I knew that I was different from other kids around me.

Yet with the diagnosis it opened up much needed explanations for my family and I. Since then we all have grown and learnt a lot yet are more understanding what actually Asperger's Syndrome actually is. As well how it affects me as a individual with it. I'm only talking about it from my view yet Asperger's can vary in different people for whatever reasons....some known and also unknown. That also explains why Aseperger's is explained as being on the 'broad spectrum' of Autism. I hope you find this helpful....Until next time....Farewell......

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Tuesday's RSL Talk & My Late Grandfather!

Wow! I can't believe that it's been a week since my last blog post. I've had a lot of different things happening and time has just flown by as does with life. I was also trying to prepare for a talk as well which I was feeling a bit nervous about. The talk was at 2pm at Epping RSL club in Sydney and the weather had been really rainy still which hasn't been good.

Anyway Tuesday came and the night before I hardly had any sleep which was not good. I woke up at about 3am and for the life of me could not get back to sleep. Tossing and turning like nothing else. Yet time was counting down for the talk so I was catching up with some work on the computer, got ready then I left. On the way halfway through the drive I noticed that my petrol gauge was on empty yet I kept on going because time was running away on me. Getting there I had to carry my box of books and a couple of bags upstairs. Luckily someone met me up there which was good and showed me where the room was. My Mum was running a bit late herself so it was a bit of a time of little drama's which for a person with Asperger's is most dicomforting. I only found out about five minutes before that they were having their own meeting for about 20 minutes.

So the meeting started and they remembered an old soldier who had died recently and we all stood up to say the remembrance oath? I think that is what it was called. Mum and I remembered my Grandfather who served in World War Two so thought should mention him at the beginning of my talk. Then my time came to talk....

I came up and gave my talk about my book yet it was a bit different. My lack of sleep was catching up with me and which felt weird. Yet I stuck in there finishing it. At the end they thanked me very warmly and also gave me a card. The people who were looking after Mum and I which was so nice and was truly appreciated. People were coming up and talking us which was great. So I sold and signed a few books for people who were inspired by my story.

That talk made me think about 'Max' my Grandfather who served in the war and was also a POW for three years of it. I was wondering what he had been through and wondering what it was like for him. Driving towards my partners house I was like a homing pigeon. Upon arrival I received a great big dose of affection which was needed and of course a nice cup of hot tea. We caught up with eachother and went for dinner at a local Chinese place we both like. After getting back from dinner we both had an early night because both of us were exhausted.

The next morning I was still tired yet that was expected with the big day before. As I left my sweeties house my mind turned to 'Max' so on the way home I went to the place where his ashes were, asked for a map and found them where they were resting. Feeling teary I sat down on the ground in front of his little niche. I had a tissue so I polished his little plaque and gave him a little flower. I hadn't visited him for years so I had a bit of catching up to do with the old guy. One thing he always said to me was "The world is your oyster!" which meant a lot to me.

He didn't say much this time yet I didn't expect him to. I told him about how I got the book published and other things I wanted to say as well. Also to touch his plaque with my hands felt so comforting because at last I could share with him how far I had come. Leaving there I was remembering my Grandfather and how much I loved him still. Yet at the same time I'm proud that his blood is running through my veins also. So dear 'Max' or Cyril my Grandfather I was a bit late for ANZAC day yet your forever in my heart!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Talk & Book Signing At Castle Hill Library Last Night

Hey there all! I found last night both to be interesting, surreal in a good way, nerve-wracking, surprising and totally unique
experience in more ways then one.
There was a talk being held at Castle Hill Library starting at 7:30pm.

Yet the trouble was getting there because Sydney was blanketed by very heavy rain with the last of peak hour traffic as well. Luckily my parents were coming with me and my Dad was driving the car which was great. My Dad was the photographer for the night so the event could be documented and shown here on my blog.

We ended up getting there really early so my parents and I had a hot drink to try to warm up. I had a lemon tart and a chai latte which I needed. It was great because there was actually a cafe in the library itself. Having that little break with my parents helped calm my nerves a bit. I did the final preparations lipstick etc...then was ready. We asked where the room was and walking in I found there to be quite a few people there who were early.

After that time seemed to go really quickly because so much was happening. People started coming in, I met the lady from the publishers, also the library guy in charge, My Dad taking a few picture of me holding my book. Then a favourite old school teacher came in who I hadn't seen for about 21 years came and knocked me for six! So anyway I got fitted up with a fancy microphone and the proceedings began. It felt that like I was almost in a dream.The man in charge introduced me and then it was my turn.

So for the next hour and ten minutes or so I spoke in front of about 55 to 60 people about my book and my life with Asperger's. Also included in the time was where people could ask questions about what they heard. Hearing the range of questions was something like pot luck because I had no idea what was coming. After that I was presented with a bottle of sparkling wine and then the book signing began....

Talk about from going one thing to another really quickly was interesting because it was all new and I wasn't used to it. For the next 15 to 20 mins or so I was signing books and trying listen to names, spell them and trying to write neatly also. I was really surprised to see quite a line of people waiting for my signature and to talk to little ol' me.

By the end of the night we ended up getting back to my parents safely where we had a small late dinner and I stayed the night. My parents were full of praise and they were both bursting with pride about the talk. Going to bed I still felt like it was a dream that had just happened. I almost had to pinch myself yet the tired made it real. I nodded off to sleep with a sense of pride and achievement. Also a prayer of thanks to the big guy up stairs. So farewell for now m readers....

Monday, May 24, 2010

Shopping Expedition

Hey there everyone!
Today I was visiting a friend of mine in the Western Suburbs. While she had an appointment in Parramatta... I decided to go to Parramatta Westfield to do a bit of window shopping.

I was in Dymocks looking for a book by Jeanette Purkis called "Finding A Different Type Of Normal". She is Another Aussie woman on the Spectrum who wrote a book on her life. I dearly would love to read the book because I saw her in a documentary a few weeks ago. Anyway they couldn't find it in their system so I thought I'd have a stab in the dark and see whether my book was there. The guy looked it up for me said there was a copy and we went and found it together.

Lifting the book of the shelf I turned it to my picture and asked him whether he recognised the person on the back cover. His face looked blank for a second then I told him it was me. He offered to take me to the computer in the shop to see how it was selling... His comments were it is selling well for a book in it's genre. To tip it of I asked to take a picture of my mobile phone with my book as a memento...He politely did it.... The poor young guy I think that he was a bit stunned to meet a real life author of a book in his shop. Because it's not everyday someone comes in to find a book which happens to be their own creation...

Well that just a funny thing that happened to me today which I wanted to share with you...
I wish you all a good night!!!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Mental Health Awareness

I've just been looking on the internet and am feeling a bit confused about when and where Mental Health Awareness month is? It looks to me that it is different from America, World, Britain and Australia. So here's me wanting to support it somehow yet I'm getting different messages from different places....No wonder I'm muddled.

In America it says it's month is May and it started way back in 1949 over there. On the Mental Health America website they have got quite a bit on their nation wide campaign. Here's the link below:

Another site which I presume is Australian say that Beyond Blue’s Anxiety and Depression Awareness Month happens in October which is five months away. So Australia seems to be different from the rest of the world... Here is the link I've found:

Then I've found another site as well which seems to be really informative yet overloaded with a lot on a different day... or week...or a month. I basically tells you all the observances that are happening in May this year in a lot of different countries around the world. Here is this link:

Yet I must say that in my small amount of travels on the web doing some research that I didn't find much on Autism, Asperger's and ASD awareness which was sad to see. It seems to me that there are a lot of different causes, illnesses, ailments etc... that are trying to get the public's attention also in different countries. So I wouldn't be surprised if people were wearing different types of hats or ribbons on any particular day around the world.

It also brings home the fact that it is rather good to have different times to help spread the word on all these different issues. Because one day we might end up needing help from a different foundation or something.... None of us ever really does know what's around the corner in life so it is great people are trying to raise awareness on nearly everything....

All of us are really lucky for living in more of an aware world from about a hundred years ago. Also how all the medical technology has caught up to and do such wonders with the magnificent human body. So I should count myself blessed for living in such an amazing age....something for you to think about...

Sunday, May 16, 2010

The Rough Diamonds @ Mars Hill Cafe

Last night on Saturday night a friend of mine and I went to the Mars Hill Cafe in Parramatta. We went to see a group called The Rough Diamonds who are an Australian trio of three sisters.

I've known about them for a few months and how they've released a new album in March.

Also another interesting fact that this year they are donating 20% of their profits to a cause that they have chosen together. The one that they chose this year is 'Autism & Asperger's Support Group Inc.

The group is an invaluable resource for parents, carers and individuals that are affected by Asperger's and ASD's or Autism Spectrum Disorders. With the group it also helps to spread awareness as well out into the wider community. So it is filling a much needed hole out there for people, carers and families that are battling out there seemingly alone.

With finally seeing The Rough Diamonds at last in an intimate concert it was really refreshing just to hear some wonderful music from these girls. They also sang some really moving songs which touched me greatly along with some funny songs with true Aussie humour.

Also finally meeting the group in person was amazing because I'd been looking forward to seeing them for the last month or so. On Facebook I had been looking at what gigs had been coming up and when I saw it say Parramatta...then I was stoked. So i took a friend of mine Caz along with me and it show us in one of the pictures with The Rough Diamonds.

Caz was also really impressed with what she saw and we came away with high praise for these amazing girls. I am really touched by what they are doing and have been achieving in the process. So go The Rough Diamonds!!!

Down below I've also included the links so you can have a look yourself: