18/4/2020 2:12A.M.
Imagine A World
Imagine a world
In the near distant future
With no touch allowed
Where distance is the norm
Where tears are unseen
And cries remain unheard
People move away from one another
When you move close your frowned upon
Plastic shields up everywhere
Hand sanitizer, gloves and masks to shop
Getting home wiping items down
Your a leper amongst people...
Both known and unknown
Family and friends alike
Suspicion is everywhere
With a cloud of silent deadly fear
Against a small fatal killer
Spread across the world
Modern day Pandemic
Looking into phones the new handshake
Screentime a hundred percent overdrive
The need to connect
Deeper then ever
Yet socially distanced..
More like socially isolated
Living alone with me, myself & I
Alone and lonely
No hugs or affection for me
I know people care for me
A screen can't replace a hug
The distance is deeper
Where I'm in a city of people
With touch banned
The starvation is killing me
Weeks of no hugs
No nothing
Never have I felt more lonely
Then over the past few weeks
I love God...
Yet I need any type of physical touch
Surreal slow motion afternoon
The realization hit me like lightening...
Three weeks without any hug
Or touch from anybody or living thing I know
Tonight is a long night
Where I wish it was a nightmare
Then I realize it's real
Where nothing makes sense
In this crazy new world
Whoever thought a hug or touch would be a crime?
Only today
Only today
Only tomorrow
Only the future...
This afternoon have I never ever felt so lonely then going to my local Chemist Warehouse to get a script filled and seeing all the new social distancing there. Big signs and hand sanitizer at the door being handed out. I then left there carefully went to the toliet in the shopping centre there and sat outside for a bit. As I had my cigarette it felt the weight of the world was on my heart and I knew what the true meaning of loneliness was. I felt like going up to someone and touching them in an appropriate way of course. I felt like helping someone. I felt like smiling at someone who needed it. When I could I did try to smile at people and say thankyou. I felt like asking someone a complete stranger for a hug. I went to Coles did some shopping I needed then I found myself still walking around in a daze trying to remember what I needed. The drive home I chose the quieter and quicker streets because of the state I was in. Reaching home I definitely NOW DID UNDERSTAND how my heart could actually ache so deeply just to be held. With a tension headache to match I walked inside into my unit and it's four walls to greet me.
As with everyone I have really been feeling it with this COVID19 / Corona Virus stuff. I've tried to reach out to people yet at the same time be there for people as well. On Facebook I've started a group called Virtual Hugs For COVID 19/ Corona Virus Times. I just wanted to spread the love and care out there for those that need it because I know how hard it can get living alone. I also sent texts to people to make sure that they were okay as well. I also contacted a few dear, special Christian friends who've haven't really responded that well. I don't know what I've done wrong and it's really confusing. I'm sorry if I've done something wrong without realizing it. I would just love to get it sorted out because I miss them greatly. I miss all my friends greatly and I feel like that I am ON THE OUTER of the circles. Thre still could be other Christian people meeting up in person and it is absolutley breaking my heart. We're meant to be the body of Christ and now more then ever we have to stick together as one and uphold also support eachother as a family. There's a lot of things that I don't understand with my Asperger's and it's so bloody confusing with the double standards sometimes of things.
I've been listening to this beautiful song called " Dreamer" by Toni Childs while writing this.
"NO-ONE KNOW'S THE HEARTACHE OF A SOUL UNLESS YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH IT YOURSELF" MEGAN HAMMOND
PLEASE NOT IF THIS HAS RAISED ANYTHING FOR ANYONE PLEASE REACH OUT FOR HELP TO HEALTH PROFESSIONAL OR A TRUSTED FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER WHERE-EVER YOU ARE.. OR CALL LIFE LINE ON
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