Thursday, January 23, 2020

A New Diagnosis For Me.

Hello there everyone. You've more than likely noticed that I have been very quiet on "My Life With Asperger's" blog, Facebook page and group. I've been quiet for several different reason's and some have been quite complicated and hard as well. I've been wanting to write on my blog for a long time yet haven't really known how to even start...
I'm starting now because I feel it is important to speak up and help destigmatize a few things which are important. This has been a long and complicated story yet it is my story..
So here it is:
Something happened in September last year in 2019 which really scared me. I was lucky to get out of it without anything worse happening to me luckily. Yet after that I went downhill in a lot of ways and really fast. In early December my treating Doctor officially diagnosed me with PTSD.
If any of you have read my book "My Life With Asperger's" then you know my history of my story.    For those of you that don't know then a long story short is back in my 20's I was involved in a very toxic and very abusive relationship. Domestic violence hit me in the face literally and it hit me for a six. There were a few times where I thought that I would die and feared for my life. Saying that I wasn't perfect either as with most relationships. I acted in ways that I didn't think that I could.. Yet it was mainly out of fear.
 So since that relationship for many, many years until today I was getting flashbacks, triggers, memories, nightmares, avoiding places etc... I also still feel a lot of shame and guilt as well because I kept on going back. I did stupid things because I believed that we could work things out. It was like a battered wife syndrome kind of relationship. I still can't believe that I was in such a relationship. During the relationship I was called a slut and so many other abusive words. Yet a couple of years after I learned that my partner with whom I was living with actually was seeing one or two people behind my back. Basically since my early 20's with that relationship I have been living with undiagnosed PTSD. Also luckily throughout the years I have never run into her anywhere. If I ran into her somewhere I would probably have a heart attack, faint or something. I wouldn't know what to do with myself at all.
After this relationship I was never the same again. I can't describe it yet a part of me has been lost or stolen in more ways then one. The after effects have affected every part of my life in countless ways..
So that's what's happened to me in the last couple of months...