Hello there!
This is just letting you into my daily life with Asperger's Syndrome. It shows you what it is living with it 24 hours a day and 7 days a week!
So feel free to have a look!
For the last week I've been avidly watching the Paralympics in the evenings. It has been fascinating and mesmerizing to watch all the different athletes and sports that have gone along with it. So many different stories, families, friends and lives involved.
Seeing the Paralympics are on in Paris at the moment it got me thinking about a few things. I've been wondering how many athletes have Asperger's Syndrome and Autism competing in the games. I found that there are quite a few out there holding the torch and competing which I find to be really encouraging.
I found this video which is really fascinating and interesting talking about Autistic athletes. So I thought that I would share it with you. Even though it's using stock images and video the important message is still there.... That "WE" are out there competing.... I hope that you like it....
When I first heard this song under these words it struck a real chord with me. It was open, honest and totally raw. At home I really liked the song and ones set of words which really stuck out to me were these ones here:
"You don't need to run You don't need to speak Baby take some time Let those prayers roll down your cheek"
When I heard those words that song was on instant repeat because for me it was a totally new way of thinking and feeling about our prayers also praying. It rang so true for me because each tear can be a silent prayer to our awesome God who is always listening and hearing.
From Canberra as I was taking that very long, lonely, dangerous, stressful night time extremely early morning. The time I went missing. This song never rang more true big time.
As I was listening to the whole album again songs were jumping out at me and some I had on repeat to trying to stay awake. I brave face with a smile had totally gone and my mask had been thrown away totally. I said "Goodbye" once and for all leaving the final bit of past down in Canberra once and for all where it belongs.. That part of my life was now totally over once and for all. In my heart of hearts with God's help I had to do the right thing... I also had to do it to help with my new relationship and have nothing holding me back. I was free from that baggage at last forever and at last final.
I'm don't think I'll ever share online publicly on my blog post everything that I did on those days for it is so very painful and private. Yet I will share little snippets just to try to help other's who may be in similar situations to mine.
Little did I know what was awaiting me as I got back to Sydney yet as I was driving back in the early hours sick to the stomach I was listening to this Mandisa album. Everything was coming up for me both physically and emotionally. What I ate and drank came up along with trying to process my all my overwhelming emotions. Everything from numbing, power of concentration, reflection and all the different emotions under this full moonlit sky were there. A lot of the time the road reminded me of several movies that I have seen where it just shows the road and the headlights shining onto it. Now it thinking about it reminds me of the journey of life.
Those early morning driving hours gave me a whole lot of time to think yet at every service stations I was sick and things going through me in more ways then one. I was essentially by myself with the only constant friend that I've ever had since before I was born and that was God. In saying all that I had no idea what was to befall me and happen to me when I got back to my unit. I'm only accounting how I felt at this particular moment in time. The rest may yet still be another blog post if ever I'm ready to share some of it.
For me and all my family, friends and everyone I know this is still very raw and we a processing this in our own ways an times to which..... I TOTALLY RESPECT!!!
I did not get back home under my own strength yet with the power of God and prayers and certain songs on this CD which I was listening to.
Hello there my dear Friends.
I've now had my bad chronic pain for 6 months and still the Doctor's have no idea what's causing it...
Tomorrow on Wednesday 10th March I've got the very long awaited specialist Pain Doctors appointment tomorrow morning. I've been waiting since November last year and accidentally missed the January appointment because I got the day's mixed up. So 4 months waiting basically. My Mum is also going to be coming with me to the appointment with me at the SAN Hospital room's which is great.
I'm really hoping and praying that he has some idea of what's causing the pain and to fix it or make it go away for good. I'm so very scared that I'll have to live with this for the rest of my life and I don't want to do that.. I'M SO SCARED that I'll have this bad pain for the rest of my life. I can't imagine dealing with it for years upon years. It feels like that I've been in a huge timewarp, limbo type of thing where my whole life has been on pause. I've had to defer my TAFE studies, having leave from my volunteer job and also my part time/casual job with the dog's. There is so much that I can't do anymore and it's so bloody frustrating. I've had to somehow adapt to so many different things trying to deal with it on a hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute basis to day by day or very short term goals type of thing. I can only do things just a short distance away to where I live... When I drive I'm on weak pain tablets because I don't want to be drowsy when I drive. Then I go home and take some strong pain killers because I'm exhausted dealing with the pain and need to rest for a while. My Doctor has me on an extremely low dose of those painkillers which is hard.. When the painkillers wear off and the pain hits then the days and nights get extremely long.
I wake up several times a night in pain, heat up my heatpack, put music on etc.... I have learnt a few ways of trying to deal with it. Yet it is so debilitating and exhausting that you can't even imagine. My PTSD has also been playing up a whole lot lately as well.
I've also got another specialist Doctors appointment on the 23rd of April that will potentially lead to still more tests to try to find the cause...
Please keep my family and I in your prayers at the moment big time... My parent's are really worried as well... I would really do appreciate it so much...
Also THANKYOU SO VERY MUCH FOR ALL THE PRAYERS already and the love, care, understanding and support over the last 6 months... I appreciate it so much... 🙏🤗🛐❤⛪💒🙏🤗🛐⛪💒❤
Through empathy and understanding comes our humanness"
Small poem by me, Megan Hammond Ⓒ
Hello There Everyone I hope that the New Year is treating you well so far wherever you are reading this from. I hope that the during the New Year's celebrations that you kept safe and well.
Firstly I want to say that I care for all of you and think of you all even though 2020 we were separated by time, distance and the new pandemic sweeping the world called COVID 19 / Corona Virus. I'm also very sorry that I haven't posted or written on here for a long time yet I have had ongoing health issues since about February or March 2020. I've also had a really big health scare in late August early September... Yet more of that later..
Poop the wild Cockatoo says "Hello"
I'm sorry for not posting this sooner yet I've been thinking about what to say and how to say it effectively as well as thoughfully given the Circumstances of Australia and the world at the moment... I know Australia thought that we had the virus beaten nearly and a lot of places were relaxing so much. A lot of people weren't wearing masks while out, wiping down shopping when they got home, having bigger gatherings amongst a whole lot of other things. A lot of people grew complacent including me with Christmas around the corner....
Then it hit again... Right in the heart of Avalon area, Northern Beaches where my parent's live. Then the whole of the Northern Beaches got locked down including my suburb in the southern area I live on the beaches. The Wednesday before Christmas the beaches were locked down in 2 different zones which were North and South. These are the current restrictions. Current restrictions
I'm currently in lockdown with my parents until 9th January.
Patting my friend Poop while eating.
First of all I would like to very much THANKYOU so much to my family, friends, church and Facebook friends and God for sticking by me this year!!!! I really do appreciate it so much beyond words... I know that we haven't had a lot of chances in person yet I have thought about you all and prayed for you when I thought of you all. Yet with the wonders of modern technology and discovering Zoom, Messagner video call. As well as Whatsapp which I'm still trying to get my head around and made a few blunders along the way. I'm so very thankful that we could still keep in contact that way. I want to let you know that I care for you all and you are very special people. Anytime that you need me in anyway I'm here for you unconditionally...
2020 has been a hard year for everyone in the world with dramatic new changes for everyone.. Where the world has changed with a new pandemic virus called COVID 19 / Corona Virus Times...
This was the year where we all learnt different things and remembered what our core values are and who we love and care for in this world....
It's also been a year of very great loss for so many people in Australia and around the whole world. Where there has been deep hard sudden losses on so many different levels and some that you wouldn't even suspect. There's been people losing jobs, losing their lives through death, loss of real physical human face to face contact that everyone needs, losing their houses, money on the stockmarket, losing the rental accommodation, defaulting on loans for whatever reason, loss or breakup of partners or families, loss of mental and physical health, people committing suicide, loss of businesses, loss of going to loved ones funerals or seeing someone special before they die, loss of not going to loved ones weddings, loss of not seeing children or Grandchildren get born and seeing all the first experiences that go along with that, for all the elderly in their homes and nursing homes being in lockdown and not being able to go anywhere also to see hardly anyone, loss of people's usual routines, loss of freedom with the lockdown's and isolation amongst a whole lot of other losses that I haven't even thought about with this virus.
Whole industries have also been shut down or nearly closed surviving on a skeleton staff. The travel industry, planes, trains, cruise ships, airports, tourism, the entertainment industry with everything there, hotels. pubs, clubs, shows, entertainment venues, concerts, promoters of entertainment, DJ's, bar staff, waiters and waitresses, cafes, restaurants, zoos, different volunteers performing different roles, museums, tour guides, travel agencies, fun parks, banks, art galleries, property market, stock market and a whole host of other jobs and industries as well which are too numerous to mention.
while businesses have gone bust, belly up, up the creek without a paddle just to mention a few terms. Others have gone through the roof with all the sudden workload and their profits have soared. Whoever thought "Zoom" would be a real buzz word. Or a whole host of other platforms for conference video calls or online education in any way shape or form. I've never ever even heard of Zoom until this year. I didn't know it even existed. I think the Chinese guy who invented it or owns it is an extremely, extremely rich man now built up of peoples needs to belong and also communicate with one another.
This COVID 19 / Corona Virus has had countless victims and deaths. Silently spreading through people, families, extended families, friends, workmates, schools, educational institutions, whole communities, towns, suburbs, cities, counties, states, countries, continents and the whole entire world. There are hundreds and thousands of peoples stories lost with their lives down to a microscopic virus. Their histories, smiles, love, care, laughter, voices, music, expressions, touch, emotions, feelings and much more are lost in the very instant that they die. All the statistics and numbers we see every day on the news and everywhere for the last 9 or 10 months aren't just arbitrary plain numbers being collected by governments and medical authorities. As a society we've almost become immune or desensitized to the massive case numbers and deaths.
Yet to try to summarize all this We all have to remember these important things which are:
Behind every number we see or hear of there is one single person
Behind every single person there is a loved one, partner or child
Behind every loved one, partner or child there is a family
Behind every family is extended family
Behind every extended family is a set of friends
Behind every set of friends there is workmates, social settings and education places
Behind every set of workmates, social setting and education places are communities
Behind every community is the suburb, county where people live
Behind every suburb or county there is a town or city
Behind every city or town there a some type of states
Behind every type of states there are government bodies
Behind every government body there is a country
Behind every country there is a continent
Behind every continent that becomes the world
Behind the world is WE THE PEOPLE
Behind we the people is the universe
Behind the universe is only God knows
We don't see the sickness of every single number
We don't see the suffering of every single person
We don't see the fear of every loved one, partner or child
We don't see the worry or separation of every family
We don't see the concern or grief of every extended family
We don't see the loss of every set of friends
We don't see the missing workmates, social settings and education MIA or missing in action
We don't see all the people dropping like flies all around in communities
We don't see every kind of person being affected in every suburb or county
We don't see often the people affected in every town or city
We don't see those often the policing of the state borders
We don't see the hard decisions and meetings of all the government bodies
We don't see the vast cost in more ways than one of all the countries
We don't see all the effects on all the different continents
We don't often hear the untold stories of the world
We don't often hear the Individual stories of We The People..
We don't see all the medical staff trying to keep these people alive
We don't see the long hours, personal toll and mental strain on these people
We don't see what they see, hear, feel or experience with their work
We don't see overcrowded, under supplied hospitals
We don't see people lying on any spare flat surface
We don't see freezer trucks being used makeshift morgues
We don't see mass graves being dug up by tractors
We don't see people in third world countries to too sick to get help
We don't see people in their homes suffering
We don't see friends and family members trying to help then get sick themselves
We saw the worst of humanity as well
We don't often see or hear about the recoveries from the virus
Yet there are people who recover...
On the flipside through all the devastation
Through one person, to two people, to three people, to four people
Moving onto a beautiful ripple effect of the ocean of kindness
Lapping onto the shores of this entire world
Spreading like a loving warm breeze over the continents
A very unique universal phenomenon happened
Where WE THE PEOPLE UNITED..
We saw random acts of kindness
We saw drive by of teachers to their students
We saw Facebook pages being made up helping medical people
We saw cafes and food places giving to the needy
We saw random packages ending up on doorsteps
We saw random encouraging words on roads
We saw chalk paintings on footpaths
We saw signs and billboards encouraging people
We saw friends help each other out
We saw churches go online
We saw churches helping our the members
We saw many different religions help people out
We've seen government officials burn out trying to solve issues
We've seen strangers do random acts of kindness
We've seen Italian's standing on balconies singing with one another
We've seen musicians do online concerts
We've seen social groups go online
We've seen education institutions of all sorts go online
We saw real cards turn up in letterboxes
We got text messages from people we haven't heard from in ages
We got random phone calls from long lost people
We've seen families turn up at their Grandparent's windows
We've seen medical people get random food packages
We've seen people going on garbage bin outings
We've seen people make masks for one another
We've seen people and companies donate supplies to help the medical field
We have seen so many new innovations for so many different things
There has been so many countless moments, ideas and things to mention....
Yet the power and resilience of the humans spirit...
Remains
The care, empathy, understanding and compasssion
Remains
The willingness to help and support one another
Remains
Yet most important of all the love for one another and humanity
Remains.
Poem by me, Megan Hammond Ⓒ
From this....
A very confronting moving sad scene of mass graves. I'm sure since May it has dramatically grown more.
Aerial view of an area at the Nossa Senhora Aparecida cemetery where new graves have been dug in Manaus, Brazil. Photo: Getty
To this....
Scenes of very moving hope with Italians singing on their balconies lifting each other's spirits in March.
With this virus it has also been a great leveler on every single part of society worldwide. We have seen people whom we least expect to get the virus from any kind of origin possible. A lot have no idea where they got it from to begin with.
Not only that yet not even the politician's or very famous people of the world have been immune to the virus. People include Tom Hanks and his wife, Boris Johnson, Prince William, Prince Charles, Donald Trump and his wife, Pink, Antonio Banderas, Idris Elba, Kristofer Hivju, Daniel Dae Kim, Rachel Matthews, Charlotte Lawrence, David Bryan from Bon Jovi fame, Placido Domingo, Aaron Tveit, Natalie Horner, Slim Thug, Laura Bell Bundy, Jackson Browne, Scarface, Doris Burke, Brian Stokes Mitchell, Ali Wentworth, Ray Benson stating "Stay well this shits serious!!”, John Taylor from Duran Duran, Marianne Faithfull, Christopher Cross, Babyface, Ty, Andrea Bocelli, Jennifer Wayne who is the granddaughter of the famous John Wayne wrote something moving on a piece of card, Bryan Cranston, Alyssa Milano, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Robert Pattinson, Jillian Michaels, Neil Patrick Harris as well as his husband and their kids, Jim Parsons and his husband from the "Big Bang Theory", Kanye West, Jason Blum, Sharon Osbourne, Dr Drew Pinsky, Usain Bolt, Patrick McEnroe, Grigor Dimitrove, Borna Coric, Novak Djokovic, 31 MLB players yet the League has said that only the teams can reveal which team members, Sophie Trudeau, Masoumeh Ebtekar , Rand Paul, Prince Albert of Monaco, Karl Von Habsburg, Harvey Weinstein and many numerous others with a lot of names that I don't know at all who they are.
With famous deaths of "Gilligans Island" star Dawn Wells, Jan Howard, Tim Brooke - Taylor, John Prine, Mark Blum, Floyd Cardoz, John Diffie, Ken Shimura, Wallace Roney, Adam Schlesinger, Cristina, Ellis Marsalis Jr, Ann Sullivan, Allen Garfield, Jay Benedict, Ahmed Ismail Hussein, Lee Fierro, Julie Bennett, Gene Shay, Henry Grimes, Maria Teresa the first Royal to die, Matthew Seligman and other people as well. To get the full list of famous people who've had Corona or died from it this is the most updated list from coronavirus
Courtesy of the owner/maker I acknowledge this photo.
It was a year where heroes were born with all the essential worker's like nurses, checkout people, teacher's, Doctor's, all kinds of carer's, governments, medical people, government workers, centrelink workers, welfare workers, deep cleaning teams, cleaners, the contact tracers, manufacturers of all the masks and hand sanitizer's, garbage people, coffee shop or cafe owner's politicians, scientists, zoo's, the whole emergency services, the armed forces, farmers, distributors, freight companies, post office workers, mail men and women, voluntary or charity organisations, all the hospitals with everyone who works in them and many other job's who kept the country running and were on the front line literally in more ways then one.....
Courtesy of the owner/maker I acknowledge this photo.
I just wanted to THANKYOU ALL SO MUCH for everything that you have done....
Courtesy of the owner/maker I acknowledge this photo.
Courtesy of the owner/maker I acknowledge this photo.
This year was a very eventful year for me in more ways then one with things that happened that I wasn't expecting at all. In the late February of 2020 I remember standing on a balcony with a friend of mine at a huge after party of a festival. People were packed in like sardines on the dancefloor with my friend and I saying something like "Imagine if people with the Corona Virus was here...?! It would spread so very quickly through the whole place.........."
Little did we know what was going to happen to Sydney and the whole world in less than one month of us joking around and saying this type of stuff...
In 2020 was the year that I wanted to become more qualified in the part time work I do so I started a part time TAFE course. As it happens because of the course there is a very huge practical side and also how we had to get our hours up in our workplaces whether it be voluntary or paid work. We also had to go into Ultimo TAFE 2 days a week for theory and practical lessons. The course was originally meant to only go to late August to late September then COVID 19 / Corona Virus hit in early March extremely hard in Sydney where everything shut down overnight... Not only that yet my Voluntary work, Church soon my part time work etc... stopped yet later everything went online which wasn't the same.
So I thought of other people and how I could try to help other people out like the eldery, sick and vulnerable. So I sent through text messages to everyone on my contact list if they needed any help, supplies, toilet paper or what ever. I also suggested that to my church for the older people in my church as a lot of them live alone and most aren't connected to the internet. I also got supplies for a person that I hadn't seen for ages. Even when I had chances to go to the shops I managed to get supplies for my parents yet I had know idea when I would see them next because they were self isolating because of their risk factors that they have. I also had a brilliant idea to start up up Virtual hug's group page on Facebook and also on my voluntary workplace. Here is the Virtual Hugs For COVID 19/ Corona Virus Times link. When ever I could I would do random acts of kindness to try to help people out somehow.
As you've probably seen in my last blog post before this my PTSD, depression and anxiety went through the roof to pluto, to infinity and beyond that. The sudden closure of every activity that I did and liked doing hit me hard. Also the loneliness that I'd never felt before were like powerful machine gun bullets to the heart.
Yet after that blog post I did seek help and got treatment for it for about 6 to 8 weeks or something like that. I can't remember how long it was for yet it was a while. Yet despite those very tough and also uncomfortable circumstances I still was doing my study online for 2 days a week... Yet that's another story within itself.
When that part was over I then worked one day a week for a short while then up to two in the end another half a day to try to get my hours up and skills up for the course. Then I was in time to start on doing practicals for my course which the teachers and staff decided it was going to finish at the very end of the year in term 4.
That was going all good and I was catching up on everything until late August early September when things for me horribly wrong again in ways that I didn't and least expect at all.
****Just a note... My mum has advised me very strongly, prevented , gagged, frowned upon me from telling my story about my operations that I had. Stating something like "It's way to personal to share..."
I only wanted to tell it to raise awareness for other women and maybe save a life that's all... I will put that in another blogpost for you to read.
So I'll quickly summarize everything here for you and not go into detail. On a Wednesday morning I woke up in a huge pain and strange things happening with my female Gynaecological areas. I knew in my gut with me being post menopausal something wasn't right. I immediately thought of my Great Auntie Coral who had died with issues. The next day I went to the Doctor and then went for tests. They found a couple of things then saw a Gynaecologist. The day after my Birthday I end up in Emergency room with my Mum and Dad waiting in the car because I was in so much pain. Within the space of one and half to two weeks since I noticed all this I went into the hospital where I had my FIRST EVER OPERATION with several procedures done associated with it.. They found more when they went in and decided to take 5 things out which I wasn't expecting. My Mum says "It's better out then in"
The whole reason why everything happened so very quickly was that there was a very high possibility that I could have some type of cancer. So it was all action stations to the maximum just to be sure. They testes everything that was taken out so luckily they found no cancer.
I also had a year of firsts with 2 operations as I said which I've never had
before. They were very daunting and overwhelming because I didn't know
what to expect.
Also a few trips to the Emergency room at the hospital and a hospital stay. Even with me going to the emergency rooms I was still able to do several random acts of kindness that i wasn't expecting to do. Even though I was in a huge amount of pain I was still thinking of other people. One early morning after a very long night in the short stay unit a man in a wheelchair couldn't get up a bit of a slope on the ramp. So I helped push him up it and for about another 20 to 30 metres to make sure that he was okay. Another time very, very late at night after sitting near this old couple over about 4 to 6 hours a medical person saw the old lady who was being treated. He had to take her canular out. He took her into the other part and a few minutes later she came out stopped and realized that she was bleeding all over herself. Both her and her husband were standing there extremely tired and it shock and didn't know what to do. Out of the 15 to 25 people in the Emergency Room I was the only one who got up and helped. I grabbed a big wad of tissues from the tissue box that I'd seen earlier on in the evening, went straight to her and applied basic first aid applying pressure to the sight. As well I asked if she was on any type of blood thinners to which she replied "Yes I am on them."
I then told her that's one thing that could happen with them that it's hard to stop the bleeding. The poor old dear had some blood on her clothes and by this time the staff from inside the reception office came out to help her. I also showed them the trail of blood from the other room that she had come and the bit of blood where she was standing. I was so glad that my Ex and I did that First Aid course a few years ago so I could be there to help at the right place and time. After she got fixed up and they stopped the bleeding the elderly couple thanked me for my help. I was just glad to see that they were okay. That same night or very early morning between 2.30 to 4.40am as I was walking out this delivery lady in a car was asking for directions to deliver something at the hospital. So I just gave her directions to the Emergency Room just where I had been. All the rest of the hospital is shut yet Emergency is open 24/7.
Also a few other health thing's which are ongoing... Since the first operation I had a few complications which weren't expected still with a lot of pain. So a month or so later I went in for another operation to try and find the cause of the ongoing pain. I haven't been able to go back to work yet and I finally in the end had to concede and defer my TAFE course until next year. The reason being was I have not been well enough.
With the second operation they couldn't see anything and they have no idea what is causing my ongoing pain which is annoying. I'm on a mixture of painkillers and anti iinflammatories. So on January the 15th 2021 I'm booked in to see a pain Doctor that I'm hoping can help me with the pain.
Yet 2020 was a year for me that I have learnt so much more about life in so many more ways. I've also discovered that I can get through new challenges with family, friends and my church friends around me. I didn't do this all myself yet I had a whole heap of very wonderful and supportive people around me. I met new people, made new friend's and rediscovered that in your weakest moments that you are actually strong with God's help...
Courtesy of the owner/maker I acknowledge this photo.
I'm sorry this is long winded and deep yet I feel it needs to be said.
P.S. I'M REALLY EXTREMELY SORRY IF THIS OFFENDS ANYONE... I DIDN'T MEAN TO...
I've just realized that I've sent too much in my Happy New Year's message...
This Aspie got carried away and it's information overload. The translation is that I have Asperger's Syndrome as you know and it is something that greatly affects me with interpersonal communication on a lot of different levels. This condition or disability is very hard to live with and is often very confusing for me on a daily basis. Sometimes I overstep the mark on things without realizing it... Yet I am human like everyone else where I'm not in any way shape or form perfect and I make mistakes. Also I have to say that I always try my best with things and get on with doing things with my life. Yet everything seems to be an uphill battle for me. There's a whole lot of times where my disability slaps me in the face and nearly punches me out cold which is scary with how it still affects me in easy day to day things. Meaning that it hits home big time how badly impaired with different situations and thing's that arise for me. I have trouble reading people a lot of the time etc... When this happens I feel like that I'm back at square one again and I feel extremely badly about not seeming to learn anything about people.
I'm so very sorry to for if you have been offended. The reason why I'm saying that is a couple of people in my text messages to them reacted badly which I felt upset about. I just care deeply and think deeply.
It's been purely meant in goodwill only.
I will be more careful in future... I'm sorry once again..☺😧
Always remember that your not alone...
Also please stay safe....
I hope and pray that 2021 will be a better year for everyone and that it's a better year... HAPPY BLESSED NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sending virtual hugs to you all.... Megan xx
Courtesy of the owner/maker I acknowledge this photo.
