Writers Block.

 

Imagine if you will a large bottle with a cork in stuffed so hard in it where nothing can get in or out. Inside the bottle is full of words, my heart, letters, numbers, notes, blogposts, books, ideas, memories, feelings amongst other things as well. I've been holding onto it for three years where I've had not idea what to do with it. Each time I feel like I want to share from deep inside my chest, the words and everything gets stuck in my throat unable to go anywhere. It's like a huge invisible hand is holding my throat and another hand covering my mouth up feeling things are trapped inside me. My voice almost lost to myself and everyone around me. Where silence is the new, very uncomfortable norm.

 

This has been me over the last three years with my writer's block. About a month ago I wrote a perfect quote to describe what writer's block is like for me yet now I can't find it anywhere. I'll more than likely find it after I've written this and least expect it. That's how it happens sometimes in life. The unexplainable, mysterious, fascinating and most serendipitous moments when you least expect them... A real synchronicity. There's things that happen in life that happen for a reason. Sometimes the reason isn't apparent at the time yet you will find out later what it is. Yet for me I've had a few ideas why I've had the writers block. 

Some of the reasons have been  that some really big events happened in my life 3 years ago where I lost my voice in a lot of ways. I was taken aback and humbled. A lot of people saw me very raw. I didn't know what to say or how to say things and I needed a huge break from everything. This included all my social media, Facebook profile, my groups, page as well as my blog here with my writing for you all who read this. I could hardly bring myself to looking at any of it. I felt in a sense that I couldn't be any type of spokesperson or role model for anyone in a strange way. It's hard to describe that. I've been needing a whole lot of time to process, think, heal and also grow more as a person. Yet I found myself blocked unable to say anything or come back to things as a writer.

 

Writing takes more courage then you realize.

 I found it comfortable and more safer to be listening to music or behind my mobile phones camera lenses. To observe life from that way with two different cameras and capabilities on each phone. I felt to express myself that way was better for me at the time to capture many different memories and many different things. To capture life like that had more meaning for me where I could see and take things in. As the saying goes "A picture is worth a thousand words." I, in a sense craved some type of privacy and also realized that how as people we are all intertwined with one another. Of also how different actions can affect many different people and communities with their own little ripple effects. Like no man is an island and we all need people in our lives. It is true that more people care about each other then you realize. We all affect other people around us.

 

"There's a fine line between having a break and stopping", Megan Hammond

 

 So with stopping the writing just happened for a break and having me time. An anonymous and private time for myself which was important. I felt as if I had nothing to say or contribute to my friends, family, the Asperger's or ASD community or society. 

Since I had my book published in 2010 and has been out there for the last 15 years has been a huge thing for me in so many different ways and on so many different levels. Also the 3 to 5 years before that of starting to write my book in the writing course then group was very huge for me in ways that I couldn't imagine. For me as a very private and shy person I only opened myself up so that I could help other people on the spectrum, their families, friends, people in the community, schools and society in general. So in fact it's been at least 18 to 20 years since I've been "Out There" being a voice and in some sense an example of a woman living with Asperger's or ASD as well as other conditions. During that time I've never claimed that my life has been perfect and that I had all the answers to everything. I shared when I was in a couple to three of serious relationships because I loved and cared for them wanting to show our happiness together. There has been so many different challenges, obstacles, surprises, health issues and life's ups and downs with a whole lot of growth. Come to think of it 18 to 20 years is really quite a long time in the scheme of things. All in all so many things have happened....

 

I've been trying to find my voice again...

Yet in the last month or so a couple of different things have happened and come up for me to confront my silence and my writers block where I haven't really expected it. Life has made a couple of unexpected turns which I think that I've needed.

The first one was a Christian women's event at a local church with a Christian author called Jo-Anne Berthelsen who as it turns out I had actually met 15 years ago when my book was first released. We first met at a Christian women's conference where we both had our book stores set up outside. So through the course of the weekend we spoke about quite lot of things together. I think we exchanged details and I would sometimes see what she was doing with her writing. 

As it so happens this beautiful lady of God was invited to speak at of all places my local church. I invited my Mum along and she came as well to see her as my Mum is a very well established writer within her own right. So my Mum hadn't come to a church event for 20 odd years or so and to have Mum right by my side meeting people I know meant so much to me. With this Christian writer Jo-Anne speak was so very moving for me in so many different ways because I found that it was also inspiring me. After the talk I brought Mum up to meet her and I told her how we met 15 years ago. Jo-Anne was really surprised yet eventually remembered me which was nice. I also introduced her to my Dear Mum as well. We had a talk and reconnected again which meant so much to me because I could catch up with her. Also I had a long talk with another lovely Christian women who was helping Jo-Anne with selling her books. As it so happens this ladies son has Asperger's and it was very interesting how we had a sudden connection there. I know that on my way back home I was very moved in so many ways by how life can be full of surprises when you least expect it.

The second one was a very different one as well. Someone who I really like and care for shared how she was getting brain fog and was having trouble with writing an assessment which was due. In my few texts to her I conveyed my empathy and told her how I've writers block in the past and having trouble writing in the past. So I could basically can understand her in a sense. I didn't tell her that I'd written a book and had a deadline for that. Yet it got me thinking seriously about my writing or lack there of it lately. I thought instead of trying to help her I had to be honest with myself and look at how I could work it out for myself with starting to write again. I didn't want to be a hypocrite saying one thing when I didn't do it myself. So in a sense she helped inspire me to start writing again as well. When I was looking through quotes online I was looking at quotes for the both of us. In one of my last texts to her I did admit that I've got writer's block myself. I always think honesty is the best policy when it comes to communicating to other people. 

So with the help of these two different and separate events is what has lead you to reading these words on this page that I have written. These few words are going to be the first of many, many more in trying to find my voice again. Not just for me yet for you the reader and everyone out there to share with you that you are not alone in any way, shape or form...

Slowly Waking Up...

 

Saturday 18th May 

Please note that this was written last year on a draft and not published until now....

Hello 👋 there everyone..

I'm so sorry for my long absence here on my blog post 📫. I've needed a break, private time, me time, time away, whatever you may call it...etc... 

No real words to describe or even knowing how to describe things yet I think everybody 🤔  is entitled to that in their own way. Because we are all human after all in this life....

We are all alive doing the best we can..

I chose this song and video because I could relate somewhat to it.. 

With my Asperger's over the last week I have been  challenged with a lot of different things... Yet at the same time coming back again to my childhood home state where there's extremely special family and friends has been amazing 👏...

It's so very different from my Sydney life where people have known me for a certain amount of time. Yet my W.A. people have known me since I was a baby and there's ancient special history here... I'm rediscovering old memories, feelings etc where most of my formative years were...

On this Western Australian earth my little young feet walked, ran and skipped everywhere. Also discovering how to ride a bicycle 🚲 along with my brother and many different places, family, friends etc.... Breathing in the air and slowly 🐌 waking up and feeling many different things again where sometimes I can't find words to describe...

I guess if those of you who moved around quite a bit as kids then you'd understand  what I mean by all this... 

It feels that I have woken back up again after so long and living new experiences.. Oh how I've missed Western Australia and my dear friends and family... Being back in my home state is so amazing....

https://youtu.be/e7VveWeRwUU?si=vGiSJkK1dIi_DQTs 

Another Funeral...

This was written on 14/03/2016.

Last month Deb and I had another no so pleasant surprise. One early evening she was checking her Facebook messages when she  came across on that stopped Deb in her tracks. An old friend contacted her saying that a gay guy she knew died through committing suicide. The man who contacted Deb about this also let us know when the funeral was being held. The news was a big shock to Deb  and was totally unexpected.

We decided that we would go to the funeral even though it was way out west and a long drive to pay our last respects to him. With the week leading up to the funeral we had quite a few things going on yet the day quickly approached. I remember thinking that it was so strange that a friend of hers has died in February and how the month before we went to a funeral which was a real surprise for everyone involved.

 Friday had come and it turned out to be a really hot day weather wise. I decided to drive with the directions that I had printed out from Google. We were cutting it a bit fine and were going to get there on time... Then we got lost due to the directions not being clear and  what the actual places looked like. Driving a couple of kilometers of track I stopped and looked up the directions on my phone. It felt strange because it was the second time that week that we needed my phone for directions. We also realized at that point in time that we needed to buy a Navman or GPS thing for the car to help us... To cut the story short after the directions and managed to cross a very busy 6 to 8 lane road we found the place. After a false start of going to a wrong chapel and asking the main office we did find the right chapel. By this point I felt so bad because we were running late all because I got us late.

We both walked into the chapel to see how packed out it was with all his friends and family everywhere. Their were no seats left and people were standing listening to the service. Yet we went through the back and Deb's friend gave up his seat for her. Looking around I saw a huge variety of people from different backgrounds and age groups.

Down the front of the chapel was the coffin laid on adorned with memento's. Listening to the people speak like and also some family members moved everyone to tears. At one point in the funeral that called everyone up that wanted to give a flower up to the front to put on the coffin. The piece of music they decided to play for this part always deeply moves me. It was from that amazing movie called "The Piano". The piece was called  Michael Nyman - The Heart Asks Pleasure First 

  (With having Asperger's I was so very tempted to take a few pictures very subtly to keep as memories. Yet I didn't do it because Deb would not have wanted me to. It took a whole lot of self control. ) Slowly people started coming up starting with the family. Deb went up then another of her friends went up with her as well. It was at this point that I had a few tears myself seeing this outpouring of emotions with people saying their goodbyes to this man in their own ways.There was even a chocolate bar up there which I found interesting and unique. We spoke to the guy's sister who after the funeral and she told Deb that "She was on of his 'Handpicked' friends." Meaning that she was special to him.

Afterwards we went to the wake or gathering at some beautiful Italian type of food place out west. Basically it took up the whole afternoon where we were stuck in traffic for nearly two hours coming back. We also had a birthday party dinner thing we had to go to as well that night. After that we didn't get home until really late at night. It was a really emotional and exhausting day for both of us because I was the one who did all the driving.

With going to that funeral Deb and I were affected by that because it showed us that sometimes in life there are surprises... You may not know what another person is dealing with like depression or emotional pain.

Pleas if you or anybody else around you is struggling please contact Beyond Blue, Life Line or any other organization that can help wherever you are...

Beyond Blue
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support

Lifeline
https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/

Mental Health in America
http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help

More Helplines
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines

General Hotlines
http://blog.justaskinnyboy.com/hotlines

Every life is precious including yours.... So please seek help...

Letter For Sloane Morton

Dear Sloane,
How are you? I hope that you are rested and peaceful where you are... It must be a huge surprise for you in a lot of ways for you. You maybe didn't expect it or know that it was going to happen. Yet Sloane you may be aware by now that you are dead, passed away, passed over and all the other phrases that go along with it.
You've been on my mind for the last week or so and I have not known to express it to anyone really. I thought instead I should write a letter and tell you how I've been thinking and what I've been feeling. Last Tuesday afternoon the 29th of January was just a very ordinary summer afternoon where Deb and I were at home... She was looking for work  in the bedroom on her computer and I was out here in the lounge room doing things on my computer.

This was taken August 2009

I'll give you a bit of a background story first before I'll tell you any more. There was just a bit of drama with me as well..... It was strange because over the last few days after boxing day my heart was feeling really funny in a few different ways. It felt like that it was fluttering and felt uncomfortable in a few different ways in my chest. It was a bit scary yet I've had that type of thing quite a few times of the past few years. I had it quite badly a couple of months ago when I was recovering from a bad flu. Anyway my heart was mucking up that day on the Tuesday so at about midday or around that time we went to the Mall Medical Centre where I saw a Doctor. She then sent me to the nurse where I had an ECG where everything seemed to be normal. I just checked the time I had it done and it was at 12:40pm. The Doctor said it was maybe due to stress or anxiety... The Doctor has also given me a referral to a cardiologist that I can get it checked out more fully and better. Come to think of it all this was happening when you were passing away without me knowing it...

My ECG.

Now back to what I was going to say before to you. At about 4:34pm I got a text from our friend Jackie saying that you died. The instant I saw her text I yelled out to Deb in the other room to let her know. Deb came in and by this time I had tears in my eyes. I called Jackie back where we spoke for a bit and she told me what happened. After I got of the phone to Jackie I called our friend Darren who said he was going to go down to Dee Why Hotel right now where everyone else was meeting. I said that we were going to come as well. When we got to the hotel there were a lot if people I knew and also some I didn't know at the same time. There were are few red eyes and tear stained faces yet there was a quiet sombre mood. Something was missing and there was a real air of shock which helped make things more emotional. It was a gathering of people trying to comfort and be there for one another at a time where nothing could make sense of what had happened only a couple of hours ago. It was also very surprising how news could travel so fast on the beaches and up the country. We as people thought and felt that we wanted to share and talk, also to remember you Sloane. I found it so strange because I kept on expecting you to come waltzing in and tell us all it was all a big joke then give one of your big laughs with a smile to match. Yet in reality your body was in some hospital growing cold with no life in it. The stark reality hadn't hit home for us all yet and we were all dealing with our grief in different ways which is normal. I felt that your presence was very strong in Dee Why Hotel and that you were somehow there with us.... Yet you weren't.

This was taken August 2009

One by one slowly we progressed down to Dee Why RSL where a whole group of us all met up at Flames Bar. It was sad yet really comforting at the same time for us all to be all together at this time sharing stories and just talking and catching up. Deb and I had to leave at about 10:40pm because I had quite a bit of a headache yet all the others stayed on later. Coming home that night my mind was everywhere and I was totally shocked. I also remembered when I last saw you and that was down at Manly Leagues Club where I bumped into you in the toilets there. I wasn't having a good day that day and had been crying for most of the day. We had a chat as you were washing your hands and then I went to the toilet. You were talking about a few different things and what was happening. When I was in the stall I heard the door swing behind you as you walked out. At the time I didn't think anything really of it.
Anyhow I have to write you a second part of this letter as my mind is wandering and having trouble concentrating. This is taking more out of me then I thought it would writing this to you. Yet I feel it has to be done so I can let things out... I'll see you in the second half.... Take care until then...

First Dates ~ Part Two

Custom's House

Saturday night quickly came around where I was meeting up with Deb's on our second date where we met at a place in Chatswood which we both knew. As it so happens I chose the place which was outside Chatswood Seventh Day Adventist Church because it was the only place I knew which didn't have parking that you didn't have to pay. Also it was a bit of a blast from the past which was interesting... So I met Deb's on time and she drove us into the city to see the VIVID Festival. I found it amazing how she dealt with all the city traffic and the extra crowds because of show as well as numerous roads closures and still keeping her cool.... We tried one parking station that turned out to be all "Reserved" car spaces... So why have a parking station when they are all "Reserved" hey?! I suggested we try the Opera House Parking and I wanted to pay to help out with the night. The cost didn't matter because she was kind enough to drive us both in.

One of first pic's of Deb & I

After finding a park finally we arrived from the lower levels of the Opera House Car Park to the lights of VIVID. I'd never been before and this was a totally new experience for me. With my Asperger's I felt like a very big kid on a huge adventure and also on a 2nd date which was exciting... I had no idea what to really expect and I knew that we were supposed to meet a few of Deb's friends somewhere amongst the huge crowds near the Rocks. As we were walking it was like almost the most packed day at the Royal Easter Show with people everywhere and I know that I didn't want to lose Deb in that huge crowd of people. After a few phone calls and text messages we did catch up with two friends of hers who were a couple. I felt a bit strange to meet some of Deb's friends on a second date yet I just went with the flow... They were really nice the pair and somehow we were getting pictures taken together which I wasn't expecting. It was nice and also different because I hadn't been on a proper date in more than 5 years..

The markets

Deb

After the pictures and the introductions we walked through the markets where Deb wanted to take another picture of me out the front. So I took one of her also as well.  We went to this little organic healthy cafe place and had something to eat and drink which I ended up knowing as well. While we were there we ended up seeing quite a few more of Deb's friends which was interesting.... I had no idea whether it was normal to meet a whole heaps of her friends on a second date yet I didn't mind.. I also had no real idea what she thought of me although I had gone all shy around her in a real goofy way.. We ended up tagging along with the gang wandering around the festival taking pictures and video on my mobile phone. Also Deb took a few pics of me and I of her which was cool.. She was seeing my photographic side come out big time that night.. I also felt Deb was paying a lot of attention to me which was nice and also I wasn't used to it. I know that I felt a strong attraction to her yet was trying to act cool big time. We were talking away to eachother and found ourselves following the others further into the city which was further away from where the car was parked... I think we were both distracted from the sheer excitement of the night and we bid farewell to her friends. We meandered the way we came and saw this performer with a didgeridoo  and keyboards. I liked the music and told her I was in two minds to buy the CD for myself which was only $10..... Next thing I knew to my great surprise she went and bought me the CD that I wasn't expecting. I thanked her big time and was in awe. We then went to the Opera Bar to get a drink and I was so determined to pay for my own drink before Deb paid for it.... I ordered my drink and forgot to ask what she wanted as well until the bartender came back. It was to my horror and very great embarrassment that I forgot her because I was so used to being single and doing things for myself. Looking over at her after finally ordering a drink for  Deb I felt so bad because I accidentally hurt her without realizing it. I felt that it was "Foot in mouth" time for me with a classic Aspie social blunder. We found a seat to have the drink and talk about the night with what we saw.. It was getting well after midnight and I didn't know what time the parking closed or risk getting locked out so we finally left. I tried to show us the way down to the car park and I took us the wrong way.... I was trying to impress Deb with my good sense of direction yet failed miserably... lol... It was Deb who found the right way which put me in my place. I got distracted because of the night.

A flower man an I

Anyway Deb drove us back to Chatswood where we ended up talking in the car until about 2am in the morning which was really different. I was so surprised at how much we talked and all the the things we talked about. We seemed to click big time and I could relate to her as well. It was like I was a bit nervous as well whether to hold hand with her or simple stuff like that. Even at the end of the night didn't know whether to give her a quick kiss goodnight or a hug or what was appropriate. This was all new to me and I felt like a total novice as to what to do because it had been years of non dating or dates.  So we hugged "Goodnight" twice which was nice and it was so surprising because Deb gave me the most gentle hug. We agreed to text each other when we both got home to our separate houses to make sure we both got home safely. About half hour to 40 minutes later we texted each other then kept texting until about 3 to 4am in the morning or some unearthly hour... I was worried because Deb had a big day of making a cheesecake and other stuff... So there you have it... the story of our first two dates.... Little did we know that since then we have had and still experiencing many new adventures together.... With plenty more new stuff to come.... Just watch this space you all...

The Impressionist people

Deb's

MCA

MCA

Light Artwork

Deb at Opera Bar

Me at Opera Bar

Australia Day Weekend

The Australia Day Long Weekend was one hell of a verrrrrryyyyyyy long and tiring weekend which started catching up with two different set of friends both on the Friday night. I didn't get home until about 1:40am and then was getting distracted with computer and internet for the rest of the night. I also uploaded heaps of pictures from my camera to my computer which I really needed to do.

Photo thanks to Darren.

Early Saturday morning at about 9am I had to meet people down at Berry Reserve down in Narrabeen for 'The Big Breakfast' down there. As it turns out I wasn't the only one running late and other people were also say that was interesting to see what happened there... Luckily we all had mobile phones to contact one another not like ten years ago when they weren't really around.... Of course I brought my camera down and was taking heaps of photos just to capture the day around about us which I like doing. A few plans fell apart where a couple or few of us could take surfing lessons yet something happened to the instructor. So it was decided we go to a pub in Collaroy overlooking the beach which we did.... I only had one beer because I was driving and I was meeting a friend of mine in the city for Symphony in the Domain later on. Sitting outside was quite windy even with the umbrella mainly still covering us. Something strange happened because a guy turned up who I hadn't seen in about 6 months came up and we recognised each other so he joined the group. It was also getting to around about the time when I had to leave to start getting ready for that night. The group decided to go next door to the Collaroy Beach Club for a bit so I texted my friend and told them what was happening and  unexpected things were happening. A text came back saying that plans had changed on their end and they were at some party called the Cruise Bar or something.

With my Asperger's I was really feeling the tiredness came on and notice I got quite a bit sunburnt even being in the shade most of the time.  This group wanted me to keep hanging yet I had to be strong and say I had to leave because I still had my mind set on the symphony yet first meeting my new friend at Circular Quay. On the way back to my house I worked out that there was no time to bus or ferry it in which wasn't good because that meant parking was going to be expensive which I didn't need. As soon as I got I home I got changed quickly, had a small something to eat then left really quickly. Drove into the city and just near Wynyard I got a huge big branch stuck under my car which was bad because there were cars behind me. I put on my hazard lights got out and carefully dragged the big branch out, got in and then drove to the parking centre. It was so laughable because I had to drive about 8 levels underground to get a cat spot with it also being about $20 flat rate.

I took this a couple of years ago.

I legged it down near the Four Seasons Hotel and gave my friend a call to meet me because I had no idea where this silly place was. I had visions of my friend just standing at this bar waiting for me alone.  Also with my Asperger's I was really anxious because there were heaps of people around and I was really outside my comfort zone being there plus I didn't know this new person that well. So it was a situation which I didn't like that much. Anyway I was waiting so nervously for about 10 to 15 minutes and when I saw my friend I felt so relieved and gave a quick hug. So to confirm that we were still going to the symphony in the domain I asked that were were still going. The answer came back saying no didn't really feel like sitting down for a few hours listening to music from Stanley Kubrick's films. My heart fell and I felt so stupid for all the effort I had put into getting there the city. Then My friend said how about we go to the dance party thing instead. I asked how much it was found out it was about $40 to $45 for only a few hours which was very expensive for me. Anyway I agreed drew some money out then we walked up to where it was. It was so strange because the Cruise Bar was at the International Terminal where I was going to pick my parents up from early the next morning from their cruise. I started to have a really uncomfortable feeling because I was so tired after being around people all day and wanted a relaxing night listening to music. When I was paying to get in my friend didn't wait and said she was going in anyway. I was left there feeling confused because I had no idea where to find her in such a big place. After a few minutes I found that she was talking to another friend of hers who she obviously came or met up with. At this point I was way overtired and was completely peopled out, as well as feeling quite teary.  To put it quickly and simply I stayed nearly until it finished. I safely walked alone to my car even when I was freaking out because my friend didn't want to walk to the car with me for safety yet decided to do something with her other friend instead. My this time my whole back, neck, shoulders and legs were in so much pain because of  the tension I was feeling after the day.

Next morning I got a phone call from my Mum at about 6:30am saying that they were back home and I could pick them up. Going out to the car it was raining a lot which was so different from the day before where it was so hot and sunny. There wasn't that many cars driving into the city at the time in the morning and it felt like de ja vu as well with being there the night before. When I picked my parents up it was so good to see them because they were away for about 2 weeks. It was really good catching up with them on the way back home... They dropped me off at home and I had quite a quiet day and had a really sore throat. As it turned out I did get a coldy flu type of thing which took me about 3 or 4 weeks to get totally over it. Then my brother a few weeks after Australia Day was playing with my camera or looking at it. I asked him not to touch anything yet he did and he deleted about 250 to 300 images from that weekend and afterwards a few weeks. So I was not a happy camper yet it was a huge weekend with so many things happening... Sometimes we all have things happen in life that are interesting... Sorry the blog was so long yet so much happened. Sorry about no pictures also yet I'm looking into trying to get them fixed or something.... Until next time.....Hope you have fun....

Boxing Day, New Years & Rocks Away!

The engineer looking at the place

Hello again... As I said in my last post Christmas went off without a hitch yet Boxing Day was different. About 6:25am in the morning Dad heard a sound which was like a very loud thunderclap. I think I heard something also yet fell back asleep again. Around 9:30am I heard the phone ring upstairs yet dozed through it. A few minutes later my Mum came down and told me the big news which was a huge boulder which was 10 metres high, long and wide came down near a neighbour's house just down the road. Mum invited me along to have a look also. I hopped out of bed got some shoes on and grabbed my camera to take a few pictures.

My Dad looking on.

Down the side of the neighbour's house

Sure enough about 500 metres down the road from my parents house there stood a huge boulder blocking the whole road. They had already put some sort of barricades up so you weren't allowed to get close. Yet Dad, Mum and I just went around them to have a look what it was like. There was a structural engineer scampering around looking at the rock and the place to see what damage there was. My thoughts were that because of all the rain the day before on Christmas it loosened up the ground around it then it decided to go for a bit of a fall. I was partly right because the engineer saw that there was a tree root underneath it which destabilised it also. My parents friend had to evacuate the house because it was deemed unsafe and her poor cat went missing for the day also poor lady... So what a bad thing to happen on a public holiday hey! I am going to put up a video and photo's of what it looked like so you can see for yourself... On the short walk back my poor Mum had a fall of her own. I just managed to grab her shirt yet it slipped out of my fingers which wasn't good. She found out later that she broke her nose and it's a hairline fracture. Also her shoulder is still painful and playing up a lot which hasn't been nice. All this was less than 2 weeks before their cruise of all things to happen before then.

My New Years was very quiet and quite good. I spent it with it a couple of friends and also had a really nice dinner. With having Asperger's it was nice having a small one yet I would have liked to catch up with a couple of other people yet that didn't happen. So there was a bit of confusion yet I think stuff like that happens on New Years... I hope that everyone else had an excellent and very Happy New Years... May it be the best one yet!!

Where the rock fell from & it's path.

Showing how close it got to the house.

The huge rock itself....

Looking back at the barriers.

The branches are actually touching the house....

Another view of how close it got...

Nice pic amongst the rubble.

How big is it?!

What we first saw....

Social Interaction Overload

~* PLEASE NOTE THAT IN SOME OF MY BLOG POSTS I HAVE CHANGED PEOPLES NAMES WHEN IT COMES TO INTERACTIONS WITH THEM*~

Yesterday was a tumbler of many different emotions and feelings for me in a lot of different ways. The night before I had trouble sleeping and couldn't get to sleep until about 3am in the morning. Next thing I knew was that my mobile phone alarm clock was waking me up at 5:27am in the morning so I could watch the Olympic Opening Ceremony. Turning on the television in my room  I saw that the actual ceremony didn't start until nearly 6am which annoyed me a bit. Yet when  it did eventually come on I was absolutely transfixed and mesmerized for the next three to four hours. I laughed, cried, cheered and smiled all the way through it as well as getting few text messages from a friend of mine who was also watching it. So we were both early birds watching the dawn of this new Olympics starting before our eyes.

We then organised to meet each other down at Dee Why beach at 10:30am for a coffee  and a catch up which we hadn't done in a while. Without a chance on having a bit of a rest I drove down to the beach found a parking spot then met up with Petra a friend of mine. I was only expecting to be down there for about one or two hours then go back home to  do some washing. Yet as it happened after a Chai latte also water for me and two coffee's for Petra there were more things to do. A mutual friend of ours invited Petra to meet her at the local RSL club and Petra said it was okay for me to come... so we did go there. So anyway over the next couple to few hours we talked a lot about different things and I was starting to feel jet lagged because of lack of sleep. Jean and I also had some lunch quickly which was good. I find that when there is a lot of talking to people for a long period of time very tiring without a break for myself. I'd also made rough plans to stay the night at my parents. So I bidded adieu both to Jean and Petra got my cap from the reception  and walked to my car. I remembered thinking to myself that it would be funny if for some reason I had to go back upstairs to them. As soon as I hopped in the car I got a phone call from Andrew another mutual friend who was in two minds about coming down to the club. We talked and he said he'd call me back in the next five minutes or so. So as it happened I ended going back up there saying "Long time no see!......" to them both.

Their surprised faces said it all then I explained to them about Andrew could be coming down. Andrew called back and said that he was going to come down after all for a couple of hours. So about 5 to 5:30pm another mutual friend Amber came down to join us all then Andrew came not long after. Thoughts started for me to contact my parents and let them know what was happening to me. Calling Dad I said that I was running late and  tried to be there by about 8pm, if plans changed and I would let him or mum know by calling back. There were more drinks being bought yet I felt happy with the two midi's that I had over the past few hours because I knew I had to be driving later on. Sure it was good that more people came along and they say "The more the merrier!!" Yet for me it's a tad more stressful with me having Asperger's in more social interactions, talking, communicating, conveying your thoughts, asking right questions, trying to look at body language, different personalities, people having drinks, making different decisions, trying to think and work out things, keeping track of more people and where they are, trying which conversation to follow in such a big group, amongst a few other things I can't remember at this stage. With me feeling more and more jet lagged after having about two hours sleep also not having a break to myself for a bit was getting to me.

Anyway Jean left and Amber walked out with her so she could catch a taxi. Then we got word another mutual friend was coming down as well so it all was happening. At one stage for a few minutes I found myself trying to see where Amber had got to as well as Petra got to in two different parts of the club and also looking after Andrew as well. By this time my stress levels were getting quite high because I needed to ring my Mum yet I had run out of mobile phone credit and nearly all phone battery. I borrowed Andrew's phone called Mum let her know what was happening with a change of plans. Because I was getting more tired Mum thought I had a few drinks when I didn't and explained it to her. She understood and we made plans for me to come up the next night instead. After the phone call I had a huge sense of relief and felt more relaxed. About half an hour later I got the two groups back together where Betty also showed up as well. More talking ensued  for quite a while then Andrew ended up leaving a bit after 8:30pm to catch up with his Mum. By this time a lot more people were about because a Manly and Warriors rugby game was going to be on the television's there a bit later on. So the remainder of the group ended going to another part of the club in the smokers area on the seats there.

Throughout the rest of the night I had two glasses of sparkling wine an quite a few drinks of water. A few more people flitted in and out where we all were catching up with one or two people in the group. We all went inside listened to a bit of the band and saw Manly win the game by only a couple of points. More conversations flowed where I found it more confusing because of my tiredness getting worse. During the course of the night a few things were said which really made me think about a few things which I hadn't done in a while. Also with me driving I was thinking more about going home to my safe bed to rest and for some much needed quiet time after such a big day. We'd also been going backwards and forward between inside and outside seeing what was happening. I also had a bit of a dance with the band playing which felt so refreshing. At this stage the people had dwindled away to only three of us where I said adieu and left. Upon getting home I was so extremely happy to walk in the door where it enveloped me in it's quietness as well as peace. I got ready for bed then hopped in so I could watch the Olympics for a bit. Yet I found even though I was so exhausted that I couldn't relax because it was such a big day in so many ways. Turning of the television I found myself tossing and turning until about 4: 30am in the morning which was nearly 24 hours since I woke up. For me writing this the night after I am still totally exhausted. I have taken things in and slowly working out the whole day and night. Also that I have to be careful in the future with not to get to overloaded by social interaction. Sometimes it is such a fine line yet I still find myself learning new things. So I bid you adieu until my next blog post....

Royal Easter Show, Sydney

In April I went to the Easter Show in Sydney with friends of mine Darren and Jacquie. That day we saw a lot of different things including baby animals, different pavilion's, food and of course a few fun rides...  I also had 3 or 4 'Cheese-On-A-Sticks' which are my favorite things of the show. We went on my brothers birthday and that night Darren and I went to see a rugby game with Manly at Brookvale Oval. So it ended up being a busy yet good day. I'm including as many photo's of the day to try to capture the feeling of the day. Here they are...

Cute sheep

Very cute Alpacas

Have you ever seen a punk cow?

A statue of a cow and I

Two other cute kids - goats

I love the way this goat is just sitting and relaxing like this..Such character

Aww... A sleeping calf

A cute little kid goat

A pair of cute sleeping pigs...

Shetland Ponies - A baby and it's Mum

I love this black sheep....

A pair of cute sheep

A cute little duckling

Baby Ducklings

New baby chickens

A NEWLY hatched chick -so cute...

Cute little ducklings

Darren relaxing

The three of us -Darren, Me and Jacqui

A cappuccino

A self portrait on the Ferris wheel

The ferris wheel we all went on

Me at the haunted house ride

Jacqui and I