Letter For Sloane Morton

Dear Sloane,
How are you? I hope that you are rested and peaceful where you are... It must be a huge surprise for you in a lot of ways for you. You maybe didn't expect it or know that it was going to happen. Yet Sloane you may be aware by now that you are dead, passed away, passed over and all the other phrases that go along with it.
You've been on my mind for the last week or so and I have not known to express it to anyone really. I thought instead I should write a letter and tell you how I've been thinking and what I've been feeling. Last Tuesday afternoon the 29th of January was just a very ordinary summer afternoon where Deb and I were at home... She was looking for work  in the bedroom on her computer and I was out here in the lounge room doing things on my computer.

This was taken August 2009

I'll give you a bit of a background story first before I'll tell you any more. There was just a bit of drama with me as well..... It was strange because over the last few days after boxing day my heart was feeling really funny in a few different ways. It felt like that it was fluttering and felt uncomfortable in a few different ways in my chest. It was a bit scary yet I've had that type of thing quite a few times of the past few years. I had it quite badly a couple of months ago when I was recovering from a bad flu. Anyway my heart was mucking up that day on the Tuesday so at about midday or around that time we went to the Mall Medical Centre where I saw a Doctor. She then sent me to the nurse where I had an ECG where everything seemed to be normal. I just checked the time I had it done and it was at 12:40pm. The Doctor said it was maybe due to stress or anxiety... The Doctor has also given me a referral to a cardiologist that I can get it checked out more fully and better. Come to think of it all this was happening when you were passing away without me knowing it...

My ECG.

Now back to what I was going to say before to you. At about 4:34pm I got a text from our friend Jackie saying that you died. The instant I saw her text I yelled out to Deb in the other room to let her know. Deb came in and by this time I had tears in my eyes. I called Jackie back where we spoke for a bit and she told me what happened. After I got of the phone to Jackie I called our friend Darren who said he was going to go down to Dee Why Hotel right now where everyone else was meeting. I said that we were going to come as well. When we got to the hotel there were a lot if people I knew and also some I didn't know at the same time. There were are few red eyes and tear stained faces yet there was a quiet sombre mood. Something was missing and there was a real air of shock which helped make things more emotional. It was a gathering of people trying to comfort and be there for one another at a time where nothing could make sense of what had happened only a couple of hours ago. It was also very surprising how news could travel so fast on the beaches and up the country. We as people thought and felt that we wanted to share and talk, also to remember you Sloane. I found it so strange because I kept on expecting you to come waltzing in and tell us all it was all a big joke then give one of your big laughs with a smile to match. Yet in reality your body was in some hospital growing cold with no life in it. The stark reality hadn't hit home for us all yet and we were all dealing with our grief in different ways which is normal. I felt that your presence was very strong in Dee Why Hotel and that you were somehow there with us.... Yet you weren't.

This was taken August 2009

One by one slowly we progressed down to Dee Why RSL where a whole group of us all met up at Flames Bar. It was sad yet really comforting at the same time for us all to be all together at this time sharing stories and just talking and catching up. Deb and I had to leave at about 10:40pm because I had quite a bit of a headache yet all the others stayed on later. Coming home that night my mind was everywhere and I was totally shocked. I also remembered when I last saw you and that was down at Manly Leagues Club where I bumped into you in the toilets there. I wasn't having a good day that day and had been crying for most of the day. We had a chat as you were washing your hands and then I went to the toilet. You were talking about a few different things and what was happening. When I was in the stall I heard the door swing behind you as you walked out. At the time I didn't think anything really of it.
Anyhow I have to write you a second part of this letter as my mind is wandering and having trouble concentrating. This is taking more out of me then I thought it would writing this to you. Yet I feel it has to be done so I can let things out... I'll see you in the second half.... Take care until then...