Another Funeral...

This was written on 14/03/2016.

Last month Deb and I had another no so pleasant surprise. One early evening she was checking her Facebook messages when she  came across on that stopped Deb in her tracks. An old friend contacted her saying that a gay guy she knew died through committing suicide. The man who contacted Deb about this also let us know when the funeral was being held. The news was a big shock to Deb  and was totally unexpected.

We decided that we would go to the funeral even though it was way out west and a long drive to pay our last respects to him. With the week leading up to the funeral we had quite a few things going on yet the day quickly approached. I remember thinking that it was so strange that a friend of hers has died in February and how the month before we went to a funeral which was a real surprise for everyone involved.

 Friday had come and it turned out to be a really hot day weather wise. I decided to drive with the directions that I had printed out from Google. We were cutting it a bit fine and were going to get there on time... Then we got lost due to the directions not being clear and  what the actual places looked like. Driving a couple of kilometers of track I stopped and looked up the directions on my phone. It felt strange because it was the second time that week that we needed my phone for directions. We also realized at that point in time that we needed to buy a Navman or GPS thing for the car to help us... To cut the story short after the directions and managed to cross a very busy 6 to 8 lane road we found the place. After a false start of going to a wrong chapel and asking the main office we did find the right chapel. By this point I felt so bad because we were running late all because I got us late.

We both walked into the chapel to see how packed out it was with all his friends and family everywhere. Their were no seats left and people were standing listening to the service. Yet we went through the back and Deb's friend gave up his seat for her. Looking around I saw a huge variety of people from different backgrounds and age groups.

Down the front of the chapel was the coffin laid on adorned with memento's. Listening to the people speak like and also some family members moved everyone to tears. At one point in the funeral that called everyone up that wanted to give a flower up to the front to put on the coffin. The piece of music they decided to play for this part always deeply moves me. It was from that amazing movie called "The Piano". The piece was called  Michael Nyman - The Heart Asks Pleasure First 

  (With having Asperger's I was so very tempted to take a few pictures very subtly to keep as memories. Yet I didn't do it because Deb would not have wanted me to. It took a whole lot of self control. ) Slowly people started coming up starting with the family. Deb went up then another of her friends went up with her as well. It was at this point that I had a few tears myself seeing this outpouring of emotions with people saying their goodbyes to this man in their own ways.There was even a chocolate bar up there which I found interesting and unique. We spoke to the guy's sister who after the funeral and she told Deb that "She was on of his 'Handpicked' friends." Meaning that she was special to him.

Afterwards we went to the wake or gathering at some beautiful Italian type of food place out west. Basically it took up the whole afternoon where we were stuck in traffic for nearly two hours coming back. We also had a birthday party dinner thing we had to go to as well that night. After that we didn't get home until really late at night. It was a really emotional and exhausting day for both of us because I was the one who did all the driving.

With going to that funeral Deb and I were affected by that because it showed us that sometimes in life there are surprises... You may not know what another person is dealing with like depression or emotional pain.

Pleas if you or anybody else around you is struggling please contact Beyond Blue, Life Line or any other organization that can help wherever you are...

Beyond Blue
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support

Lifeline
https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/

Mental Health in America
http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-help

More Helplines
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines

General Hotlines
http://blog.justaskinnyboy.com/hotlines

Every life is precious including yours.... So please seek help...

Letter For Sloane Morton. Part 2.

How are you? It's me again, Megan. When I last was writing to you it was getting a bit overwhelming for me to keep going on writing. I guess that's been the way for everyone who has heard about what has happened to you. Yes I've still been thinking about you and trying to comprehend in my own Asperger's mind what has happened. I guess that your finding it hard to believe what has happened as well. I have no idea what death is like yet I have could have come close a few times. If it wasn't for my long suffering guardian Angel I wouldn't be hear today literally..... Also for the prayers and wishes of heaps of people around me at those times.... For me and I think everyone death is a really big mystery and nobody really knows what the end is or will be like. With you dying Sloane that has made me look at a whole lot of different things and I have come up with different questions as well which I know can't be answered because your not around anymore. I still can't believe this has happened because you seemed so invisible and larger than life in so many way that it wasn't even funny.

Taken In August 2009

One week and two days ago Sloane on the Tuesday was your funeral. Wow.....!!!! What a day that it was!!!..... The Heaven's and skies open up full bore and it was raining cat's and dog's. What I'm trying to say is that it was raining nearly non stop all day. So what I thought that it was like nature was crying it's tears for you because it lost such a big personality. The sun had gone away and wasn't shining  either. On the notice about your funeral it said to maybe get to the church early to get a park. So Deb and I left a bit early to find the streets filled with quite a few cars. The closer we got to the church in the little street there were just cars everywhere so I had to drop Deb off to find us a seat. There also seemed a lot of people outside and walking to the church as well. Anyway I managed to find a park just a couple of streets away and walk there in the rain to the church. I was so glad that I wore my boots to protect my feet from getting wet. Upon arriving at the church I was so surprised to see how many people there were. A young man at the door grabbed my umbrella and said he'll "take care of it."

Taken In August 2009

Walking in the church there were no order of service papers left because they had run out. In the main part of the church it was blocked off because it was filled up as well. I was politely encouraged by this quite big guy to be directed to the hall just a few feet a go. At the time I was remembering that last time I was at that church just a few months before there weren't as many people. Yet walking in I saw a friend of mine who directed me to where Deb was sitting. Right before me was a huge room of people with a great big screen at the front for everyone to see. Sitting next to Deb I was so stunned to see how many people were there at your funeral Sloane. There were people of all ages... from young to old to in between. As we were sitting there they were putting out more chairs in rows and I think people were actually starting to stand. Looking around I saw a few familiar looking faces that I have seen around about over the many years. Sloane you would have been impressed yet also surprised about how many people turned up to pay their respects to you. You at the same time probably would've been disappointed to miss out on seeing everyone. Sloane you knew a whole lot of people and it seemed nearly everyone  turned up. It felt like that we had to share this time with you again Sloane just to "Be together" in our grief and mourning.

I like this..

When the funeral started it was very moving indeed. Again I was wondering if you could hear any of this if your spirit was there? Or whether you were still living through other people's memories? Would you have let out one of your memorable laughs or comments? What you would have thought of the whole thing? These amongst other very silly questions were going through my mind as well as listening and watching the service. Once again there was laughter mixed with tears as well as bittersweet memories of you. You certainly had more of an huge impact on people on around you more than you thought Sloane. I remember in one part of the service I think someone said words along the lines something like "That all that you ever wanted was to be loved by your family and friends."
 When I heard that it struck a chord with me and hit me deeply because sometimes you may have not felt it....Yet it was proved today on that day that people did love and care for you after all Sloane. I know you and I didn't see eye to eye on a few things where we've had some words over the years.... Yes we've had our differences but that's part of life and growing I suppose.With all that I just wanted to say that I have always cared for you and hoped you'd be happy etc... Also that you were having loads of fun with all your traveling adventures all over the world it seemed like. I'd sometimes wonder where you would go to next on your trips? Also who you would go with?
This is going to be a longer blog post then I thought because it looks like that I've got a whole lot to say to you that I never got the chance. I'll try to finish up quickly and try to come back to it later... At some point in the service near the end they showed a picture and music montage of you. I noticed the sound was a bit out of sync with a short video of a dog they showed you playing with it. It was then that I heard a bit of your characteristic laugh which was larger then life. I think sometimes people stopped when they heard it. I'm not to sure if they have done that yet it was part of you.
When it came to the time to take your coffin out everyone stood up in both rooms with your music you liked playing. I wanted to try to go see your coffin been carried out yet by this point there was a whole lot of people near the door way wanting to see it also. I saw a bit on the screen and these people walking past with something. I just had the smallest of glimpse of some flowers which was on top and that was it. After that there was too many people wanting and waiting to get out of the church as well as people talking to each other.  I felt that wanted and needed to see your coffin going into the hearse. It was like I wanted to come to terms with it and to say "Goodbye" in my own Asperger's quirky way. By the time we got out of the building your coffin and hearse had gone to wherever they were going to be driving to. I had and still have no idea where they went  or what happened afterwards... I had a bit of a feeling that I may not get to see your casket or coffin on the way out. So this is maybe a bit quirky yet as I was walking into the church I saw the hearse and I immediately thought that I wanted to take a picture of it for my memories. I thought more than likely that it was highly inappropriate thing to do. Also it was raining quite a bit at the time as well. So instead when I walked past the hearse I touched and put my hand on the car and thought of you. I think I also said a prayer for all family, friends and everyone who was there that day. I strongly felt that I had to touch something real that you were part of somehow just to let you know that I still cared for you as a person. It was my way of trying to say "Goodbye" to you which I and I think nearly all of us didn't get a chance to do.

 Your wake or the gathering afterwards was huge again at North Manly Bowling Club. I'd never been there before and found it was really different. I decided to honour and remember you a have a few drinks of VB Beer  for you. I know you liked drinking that sometimes and your wine as well. I ended up having 3 schooners of VB which was more than enough for me. I'm not used to drinking anymore and I think that I was more affected than I thought. I become more friendly and outgoing when that happens. Deb and I saw more people there that I hadn't seen in ages. It was good to catch up, share and talk to them about things. We stayed there for quite a bit then Deb wanted to leave and do her homemade Ricotta Cheese.
Since then Sloane you've been on my mind on and off and I have found it really strange indeed. From the time of your death I've seen a lot of women who bear some kind of resemblance to you which stops me short. In one instant I think is that you? Then I realize again what has happened. The latest time was driving through Narrabeen on Sunday with Deb to get to my parent place.... I thought I saw you walking along the side of the road with your hair and shape. Then I remembered.... I wonder how other people have been feeling and thinking as well? Whether they have had strange experiences like that?
 That day I was listening to a band called Rufus music CD. They are an Australian band with a type of music which can be a bit hypnotic and the guy's voice is really unique. It's hard to describe the sound yet I like the group and music. Anyway I was listening away thinking of you and other things going on. I was thinking of your travels and how now you don't need to go on a plane anymore to get to places... You can just get there in an instant or a blink of an eye to Bali, Vietnam or Thailand or any other places you wish. Each time I drove past your old haunts of Manly Leagues Club, Dee Why Hotel, Dee Why RSL, Collaroy Ex Servicemans Club I thought of you. Seeing it was a Sunday as we drove past Dee Why RSL I thought of you how you liked going there for the Sunday raffles to try to win things. Oh Sloane the suburbs of the Northern Beaches will be a whole lot quieter without you and you will be missed yet remembered in peoples hearts. I know that you were no angel and didn't claim to be. Yet none of us are perfect in this life and I make plenty of mistakes as well. But with your presence you touched more peoples lives than you ever would know dear Sloane. In our prayers every day Deb and I have been praying for friends, family and everyone that you knew being affected by your death. We've been also praying that something good will come out of this whatever shape or form. When I read at your funeral that your organs had been donated and saved a few lives I felt amazed as well as moved. I realized then that something good is coming out of this for people that you didn't  even know or hadn't even met. Your body is gone yet there is definitely parts of you literally living on helping people every single day for the rest of their lives... Not only that yet because they've got the gift of life from you their live will touch others upon numerous others etc.... What I'm trying to say is like if you throw a stone into a clear ocean it drops down, then you see the ripples forever expanding out into eternity. They keep going until they cross the whole ocean again and touch eachother again.... Yes I know it sounds super spiritual and deep yet that is me.

The Ripple Effect

It's like you've got more family and friend now in your death that you wouldn't expect.. I'm starting to rave on a bit and I'm sorry about that.
7:58pm. I've been writing this for quite a while now while listening to some music by that group Rufus. Also that song I love called "Paris Collides" which I find amazing. I've been trying to find an ending to this post which is sufficient yet am finding it hard for some reason that I can't put my finger on. In actual fact I guess it is still hard to fathom for a lot of people that you are now gone. I guess I amongst everyone else who knew you are in their own processes of grief as well. So Sloane you may hear from me again if I feel that I've got more to say. I guess with your sudden death and with you being around my age it's hit home for people. Yet for the meantime wherever you are please enjoy yourself for you are now totally free from all your cares and worries... Farewell for now.....

Uncle Wal's Death & Funeral

Uncle Wal and I a while ago

Uncle Wal in his younger years

On Friday morning the 7th of February 2014 my Mum woke me up with a knock on my room door at their home about 7:40A.M. She then informed me that my uncle Wal had passed away early that morning losing his fight for life. As soon as the words came out of her mouth my heart just sank because I wanted to go up and visit him that very day yet it was now too late. I could no longer hold his hand and say goodbye to him in person. Anyway that whole day my parents and I were affected in our own different ways with our mourning also grieving. My Mum went to the markets at Warriewood as planned yet our minds were not with it. We were all forgetting little bits and pieces with things. We came back home and Dad was busy trying to compose a Requiem for the funeral service whenever that was going to be. With my Asperger's i didn't know if it was okay to cry or when. My uncle Wal is actually my great uncle and my fathers uncle.... Yet I have always referred to him as 'Uncle' because he was like an uncle to me and my brother. That day I was really aware that my parents needed time to themselves because they had to go up to Cooranbong the next evening for a family meeting. So I left in the afternoon and as I was driving down Wakehurst Parkway with a lot of nice bush I found myself tearing up while listening to music. Everything was starting to hit me a bit and I found myself crying all the way home which was strange. When I got home it was like I was on automatic pilot and I texted a couple of friends to let them know what hat happened. Then I just lay down on my bed and listened to my Ipod for ages not knowing what to do. That night I did meet up with a friend and had a couple of drinks also letting heaps of stuff out. It felt like I was on another planet and it was very surreal.

Stained glass window at the chapel

Two weeks ago today was my uncle Wal's funeral which was a big and sad occasion. It took us about 2 hours to drive up. When we got there early we parked near a lot of trees. As soon as we got out of the car we could hear Bellbirds all around us with their song. It was like they were singing for my uncle and saying 'Goodbye'. At times they were nearly drowning out the service. There were a lot of people there and the chapel was overflowing in the cemetery grounds. We all heard stories of his life and how when he sang with my Grandfather they had heaps of fun for them both. Also the many years he was a youth pastor and being involved in music was like ministry to him. During the service there was a very special item which was actually a digital recording of uncle Wal singing and playing the piano from a few years before. The whole service was really poignant and moving where there were tears yet also laughter at remembering this special man of God who was now home up in Heaven. After about another 2 hour trip we didn't get home till about 7:50P.M. that night or something to my parents. My dear uncle Wal I am so proud to have known you and been related to you.... You shall always be remembered fondly with love... You had a very full 98 years indeed.....

Lovely flower on his coffin

  You were like a walking history book with all the stories that you had in you.... Your life has touched many, many people over the years including mine. Sure I may not have caught it all during this blog post yet when I remember more I will write about it... Wallace Hammond you were a true man of God and may you now rest in eternal peace with our dear God...

The Chapel

Uncle Wal, my Mum, Dad and I a while ago

Uncle Wal and his sister at  his birthday

Uncle Wal and his sister also 3 daughters at  his birthday

Remembering David 'Davey' Woodcock

 P.S. Sorry about using the same photo over in the blog yet I don't have any others on my computer.
Over the past two weeks or so it has been hard for both family and friends across Australia. In all of our lives so much has happened really quickly and it has been hard to comprehend a lot of it as well. On Facebook I have been making references like "My cousin's son...." just to let people know what was going on yet trying to keep private at the same time. I also do appreciate all the care and concern that my family and I have had on Facebook as well over the past couple of weeks as well.  In fact he had a very strong English sounding name which was David 'Davey' Woodcock. With his first name it had a lot of meaning because he was named after my very much loved Uncle David. The family just call him Uncle Dave and he is such an amazing guy. The name Woodcock is a good unique name as well which I like. I must admit I don't know the origin of it yet must find out.

At this moment my mobile phone has died and run out of battery charge so I unable to check the dates exactly. I also don't have my charger with me here yet that's okay. Okay I will try to do a reverse chronologically  of the past two weeks so please bear with me.... Last Friday was Davey's funeral/cremation/remembrance service. A week before on the Wednesday he lost his valiant and strong battle. On the Saturday morning a few days before I found out from my parents he was gravely ill and they only found out before on the Friday night. Also Davey got married on the Thursday or Friday of that week. When I get my phone charged I will add the proper dates in okay... Yet to put it simply it has taken less than two weeks for it to all unfold.

For me I have had a real big variety and mix of reactions to the news of Davey dying with one varying to a real extreme reaction to it. The person who I told basically didn't want to hear anything at of of the bad news I had just received went off and bought herself a beer and spoke to the bar staff for about five minutes just leaving me there. She then came back and wanted to talk about other less important things. I was devastated nearly in tears and she started talking to other people there so I just left quietly. With that was a loss of a friendship and also serious threats for my safety, car and unit which hasn't been nice at all. I've also had amazing impressive reactions from other family and friends as well as from people that don't know me that well. On Facebook and other friends around me they have all been totally supportive which has been fantastic. I do thank everyone for their concern for the whole family and I. With my Asperger's and ADD it has been up as well as very down at this time for me being so far away from Western Australia and the rest of my family. We all so much wanted to be over there yet couldn't go because of the expenses and it being a long way over to get there. Yet we were all over there in spirit and love.

I remember one of the last times I saw David was in Western Australia when I was there on my last holiday at one of the kids birthday parties. It was a spring day yet it decided to be very cold for me that time. I wasn't feeling very well yet I did take quite a few different photo's of the day and met quite a few few different people as well. It was still good to be around my family that day with my cousin Sue a very proud Grandmother doing things in the kitchen. It was good to talk to David and everyone else as well which I liked. One of the only regrets of that day was I wish I was feeling a whole lot better yet I can't change the past. Yet what I remember of David throughout my life was that he had an adventurous cheeky soul who liked a good laugh. I also remember when he gave me a lift to a bus station to go up to see my uncle Dave that we had a good catch up talk then as well. For whatever reason I wasn't feeling well that morning either yet it can't be helped. Anyway we were in the car for about one hour to an hour and a half talking and catching up which was excellent. I remember thinking that he had the most beautiful soft eyes and his gentle caring nature.  He still loved his cars and mechanical things like his father as well. Yet also very intelligent as well. Words aren't coming easily for me at the moment because I would have like to have seen him and my Western Australian family more. It feels like that all My life I have left my heart in WA although my body has been living in NSW and the "Eastern States" for years.  I've still got the Kalgoorlie red dirt in my veins and the winds of Esperance running through my hair... A true West Aussie even though I was born over here.

In Davey's last days none of the family over here including me couldn't go because of the reasons that I said above. Yet during those hardest day's I went up to my parents to be around them and share with them what was happening. I couldn't physically be there to say goodbye to Davey yet he did get all our wishes and love which was great. I was as close as I could be in spirit. Davey told my uncle Dave that when he died he wanted to come back as a Wedgetailed Eagle. For those of you that don't know that eagle is a typical Australian, West Aussie outback bird. It is also a very strong, powerful and amazing animal. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wedge-tailed_Eagle

Last Friday when the final service was on my family over here and I found it hard. I've also been remembering at this time that it's just not me yet everyone else in the family going through this as well. That week I kept on wanting to jump on a plane to get over there in time for the funeral yet had not way of doing it. Acceptance has been hard for me on that respect yet that's life. One day I do plan to go back to WA visit my family and give them all very huge bear-hugs including his sister and say my own farewells  to this amazing young man called David 'Davey' Woodcock. May you rest in peace with your spirit living and flying on like a Wedge-tailed Eagle over the Australian landscape. You will always be loved and remembered.....